Every day brings both new challenges and new breakthroughs.

Avdi continues to run the district’s hazing gauntlet to meet all the surprise last minute requirements, legit or otherwise, but in the process has made some useful contacts and connections to help him through the ordeal.

Yesterday we had an issue with S stealing and hiding something I had made, then lying about it.  Eventually he admitted to being the culprit, and A sat down with him to discuss the unacceptability of lying.  Later, I asked S if perhaps he was so angry or sad about not getting constant attention on erev Shabbat that he was even willing to get negative attention through this action he knew was wrong.  He thought about it and conceded that might have been it.

I suspect some of my recent tensions with S, and admitting some of my frustration to the “squirrels”, has helped them to be more open and friendly with me.  Sometimes I think they may resent all the time and attention I give S, or even see it as favoritism.  There are little signs of breakthroughs there.

Erev Shabbat dinner was pleasant and conflict-free.  Jess joined us and it was a full house.  I incorporated lots of garden veggies into the meal.  S even tried and liked some of the food I had made (not veggies)!

Then everyone adjourned to the patio to hang out and wait for dusk to light a fire.  I actually was torn between staying a while and walking home, because the relaxed homey atmosphere felt enticing and welcoming.  Usually I just feel like a caregiver/housekeeper on the outskirts.  I almost felt like a part of the family unit.  But being exhausted, I walked home while it was still light.  (I made sure S wasn’t going to follow me!)

I actually got to sleep in this morning.  I needed it.  Avdi needs it way more, so I’m sleeping in for two, for now.

Just a quickie before I walk back into the fray!

I don’t know if it’s a Missouri thing, but the schools system makes it almost impossible for a single working parent of four neurodivergent kids to jump through all the hoops to get them enrolled and attended to appropriately.  All the complicated paperwork and documentation was submitted properly months ago, but suddenly at the last minute, somehow they misplaced or disregarded crucial items.

Apparently this is not uncommon here; other parents have gone through this and end up having to hire a special lawyer or advocate to oversee the process, or even enroll their kids in private schools, all of which is expensive.  Not to mention, most single parents can’t take off days of work to meet with multiple school officials and sort it all out.  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, but I said I’d make it quick!

Yesterday was particularly challenging with S, who had a violent meltdown while A was preoccupied with relentless school orientations, meetings, and open houses.  It was like a revolving door of various kids coming and going to their respective school events with A.  It was hard on all of them.  This is exactly why they need proper supervision and guidance in a new school situation.  Needless to say, we are all exhausted and frustrated, especially A.

OK, so not a quickie, but I’ll wrap it up for now.  The good news is, somehow all of this caused Y to like me more!  Here we are venting our frustrations!  Also, my ride to medical imaging yesterday was in a Tesla!  A silent electric ride completely run by a computer screen.

I walked over early because Avdi had meetings with school officials for E and S.  The latter has become a complicated bureaucratic labyrinth due to certain people not doing their jobs competently.  Avdi had jumped through all the medical, legal hoops in a very timely manner to make sure S’s special needs are met, but someone was negligent and created an issue, so Avdi has to spend more time untangling it with days until school begins.  It seems other parents of ND kids have run into similar incompetence, so he’s not alone, at least.

So I watched S, and did more garden cleanup, and stuck around while A and various kids took care of school business and shopping.  A was exhausted, so I walked home.  Halfway there I heard “Nomi, Nomi!!”  I turned around to find S had run after me without letting anyone know!  Just one fun quirk of many with ND kids.  He said he’s so used to me being around, he’s sad and misses me when I’m gone!  I’m not sure if that’s a totally good sign, but at least he trusts me that much.  So I informed A and we finished walking to my apartment, where we had a nice time hanging out until A could pick him up.

The weather has been miraculously cool and breezy, so I actually got a lot done in the garden the last couple of days, in between kid-watching.  Things are settling down for the most part (you can guess which part isn’t particularly).  Sometimes S is happily swimming or playing with a friend, sometimes he’s having a tantrum or frenzy over some minute concern.  Sometimes I just have to step away and let him work it out.

I’ve been hoping this recurrence of dizziness isn’t the start of another attack of vertigo.  This would be the worst timing, when Avdi needs all the help he can get while meeting with school officials and planning strategies (while working, of course).  It’s very complicated and exhausting for him.  Meanwhile, I’m scheduling various doctors and specialists for the coming months, and the rides I’ll need, also complicated.  Good thing I had practice caregiving for my parents(?).

We had an interesting traveller pass through, an acquaintance of Avdi’s on a cross-country trip who needed a place to stay for the night.  She was patiently showing S how to make Scandinavian filled crêpes when I walked in, and then we got to talking.  A fascinating story and background.  I love that my son values the ethical custom of welcoming in strangers and passers-through, including marginalized atypical people, and making them feel at home, something I’ve always admired about some cultures.  Also glad I can partake in it, unlike in Ohio.

Here are some random shots from the last couple of days.

Yesterday I got to catch up with Stacey (the kids’ Mom), who had brought K&E back to Avdi’s.  We had lots of catching up (and drinking) to do!  Then we all had a belated and early birthday celebration for Y and K, respectively, with two cakes, “customized” by Y.  And pizzas for dessert!  I can’t speak for others, but I enjoyed just sitting and talking grown-up style.  Since Stacey spent the weekend there, I could sleep at my apartment.

Things are gearing up for the school year, with lots of meetings and orientations all happening at once, so it may get hectic.  Four kids with a buffet of neuro disabilities at three different new schools–what could possibly go wrong!  The good news is, the older kids can sometimes briefly watch the younger ones at home if necessary, but I know I’ll be there a lot until things start to settle down into a new routine.

At least Avdi finally vanquished the evil pool monster, and got to chill with a beer for a moment.  And I trust this uncomfortable FLAMO [Florida Missouri) mosquito-ridden sauna won’t last forever, and I can once again venture out into the garden.

Yesterday was S’s last day at camp.  The experience has proved to be a beneficial success for S, with the great help of his counselor, Dom.

I spent the day prepping for Shabbat as usual.  In addition to challah and chicken, I made a potato leek soup with leeks from the garden, and a Mediterranean tomato, feta, basil, and olive salad with tomatoes and basil from same.

Y seems to be in a more friendly mood toward me, so I took them with me to pick up S at camp.  The mood didn’t extend to S, but that’s normal.

Jess was back from her latest trip, and came over and later joined us for dinner.  Y and S went swimming with our neighbors Joyce and her daughter R.  The house was temporarily kid-free!  Poor Avdi was slaving over the nightmare project the pool has become, having given it a complete treatment and enema, surrounded by attack-mosquitos, in the extreme humidity.  Lots of things in MO seem to be extreme, not in a good way.

Stacey and K and E were due in later in the evening.   She will spend the weekend there, celebrating Y and K’s birthdays and hanging out with the kids.  All beds were spoken for, so I went home.  At some point there will be cake and I’ll join them.

I’m curious to see what the new dynamic will be with the kids back together and headed for three different schools.  It may become even more complicated, with neurodivergent etc. kids adjusting to a whole new situation, not to mention the transportation strategy.  I’m hoping things will eventually settle into a routine in which Avdi can get work done.

I just want to reiterate, my blahg is boring because it’s mainly like a personal journal of events, so I can look back and see the progression.  I share it publicly just on the off-chance it may be of interest or amusement to my 2.5 [two point five] readership, or if nothing else, an insomnia aid.  No deep thoughts here!  Just an average mundane life with some eventful (to me), thought-provoking moments, and some people I love who put up with my slow evolvement.  You’re welcome.

I met my new replacement primary care provider today, and I really like her.  There is some concern over white blood cell counts, the kind that could indicate leukemia.  Hmm, I wonder if it runs in the family!  What variety might I have?  Not much one can do about it, but I’ll go to a hematology/oncology specialist (shades of my mother) and see what comes of it.  You gotta die of something!

A nice lady volunteer drove me there and back.  She was born and bred here, never left, so we talked STL trivia.  Go Cards.  (I had already arranged the ride before I knew I was getting to borrow the car.  So I get to meet a bonus person!)

I had another first today, though insignificant–I drove myself to Aldi for groceries, for a change.  (I really miss having a car.)

I had time at home to get a few items of business done, then later I picked up S from camp.  He continues to thrive there, and is learning how to follow directions and cooperate.  I’m impressed with the way his counselor understands how to patiently work with a neurodivergent kid like him.

I ran a drugstore errand for Avdi and myself.  My doctor has upped the dosage of my anxiety/depression meds, and I’m curious to see if that works.  The beginner’s dose I’ve been on is negligible.

I feel like I had a mini-vacation, but it’s back in the saddle again tomorrow.  Tomorrow night, Stacey will arrive in town with K and E, which will change the dynamic once again.

These are additional photos from this past week.  Just a hint of the coming of fall is in the air, bringing me almost full circle to my debut here a year ago.  It’s been a very full year of learning experiences.

I practically live at Avdi’s now, to all intents and purposes.  One day’s events are fading into the next.  To summarize:

School preps and meetings are in full swing.  Y (at the moment “they/he”) had their middle school orientation.  Avdi has had his hands full with filling out reams of redundant registrations (how’s that for alliteration), for four kids, which the schools don’t make easy.  He went to a meeting with S’s elementary school about working with S’s disabilities, which went well.  All this while trying to both work, manage the household, and diffuse kid disruptions, or shall I say “eruptions”.

One good development has been the neighbor friends interchange.  The other night it evolved into a kid party, while we grownups got to sit back and chill (or try to sleep, in my case).  We’re already helping each other out, including moral support, and hoping to bring more local kids and parents into the picture, as the school year progresses.  The kids seem to do a lot better with other kids and grownups around.

Amazingly, the weather cooled down a little, and I was actually able to work in the garden, weeding, harvesting the rest of the root veggies (beets, parsnips, turnips, rutabagas, and leeks), and just generally making some sense of it all.  We’re getting lots of tomatoes now.  We even discovered a beautiful pumpkin in the jungle!  Once I get it under control, I may plant a few fall/winter veggies.

I have J’s car again, so I’m able to do kid pickups, run errands, and sometimes drive to my apartment!  I may even get to take Y (apparently in one of their rare good moods) shopping later.  Usually they just brush me off or ignore me.  I’m hoping we can find a way to bond a little over imaginary “emotional support dog” accessories.  (Is there invisible poop?)  It’s looking good for getting a real one soon!  Who knew Avdi and I would become dog fans.  Whatever it takes.

I actually wrote this post at Avdi’s, another first.  Usually I’m too inundated by kid-related distractions.

Erev Shabbat was fairly quiet.  S was at camp, Y stayed to herself, and A worked.  He was feeling pretty under the weather from stress and exhaustion, and even got to catch a short nap or two, in between working and dealing with kid issues.

I did the usual erev preps, and picked up S from camp.  He had had some issues cooperating on their field trip, but it was resolved successfully by the thoughtful counselor.  We had Shabbat dinner with only some disruption.  Later Avdi went out for the night, while I stayed over.  I fell asleep before the kids, since I can’t stay up that late.

There was another of STL’s frequent severe thunderstorms last night.  It flooded the backyard again so it looked like the pool was in the middle of a pond.  It turned out Y hadn’t slept all night, she said, due to fear of monsters while A was away.  It seems that sometimes she’ll actually relent and talk to me civilly, more innocent kid-like, when she’s feeling vulnerable.  Good to know.

Jess came over with Avdi and reclaimed her car, and I walked home.  Poor Avdi had to pump out the backyard while still not feeling well.  Once again I felt guilty for being able to take a break from the kids.  I know I’m helping just by being around, but sometimes, dare I admit it, it’s excruciatingly boring and soul-crushing!  Not to mention stressful and exhausting.

Then I think of how Avdi must feel, with no relief.  Humans weren’t intended to have to go it alone and bear the entire weight of the world.  That’s why humans and dogs get along: we’re all social pack animals, each having a role, sharing and facilitating the work load.  Ideally we function and grow best in a compatible group, not as an island against the world.  But we live in a culture that makes that almost impossible.  Just my opinion.

Yesterday I was able to stay home and drive to two medical appointments, labwork and a second vaccine.  I also finished making my other overdue medical appointments, and arranging rides for each.  That took much of the day, but things were calm enough at Avdi’s that he didn’t need me.

Today I went over there late morning to stay with Y while A went to an appointment, and I got some chores done.  Later I picked up S from camp.  Once again he was very happy, with no issues.  He’s been making some friends.  That experience has been very beneficial for him.

I made dinner, and stayed with Y again while A took S to get some sneakers for camp tomorrow.  It was a very quiet day.  I drove home this evening.  Tomorrow I’ll do Erev Shabbat preps, stay overnight, and relinquish the car.

If this post seems extra boring and non-eventful, that’s a good thing, believe me.  Maybe it’s just a fluke, or maybe it’s that we’re starting to settle down into a rhythm.

Here are random photos.  I got the skeleton for Y for her birthday.  She made the mask.  The tomatoes are fresh from the garden.