These nightmares of mine should be banned.  They continue all night, getting more disturbed.  This one left me especially traumatized and mentally violated.  Where and why does my mind come up with all this psycho stuff?  There’s a point beyond which dreams no longer bring insight or closure (unless I’m that fucked up), and just abuse you and leave you in shock.  How’s that for a cheery morning wakeup?

In more positive anecdotes, it thundered and rained like an inch and a half overnight, on top of the inch the day before.  Rivers are rising to flood level, another common thing around here.  Avdi’s yard is constantly under water.  But the gardens are raised and just get watered a lot.  And it’s still raining.  Which is good, because I’m almost too exhausted to walk over.

Yesterday, besides the usual gardening, I turned off the heat pads under the remaining seedlings, and spaced them out.  I created a garden area for K, and he and I broadcasted mixed wildflower seeds, which I leaf-mulched.  I also started one for S, who didn’t want to be left out.  Then K and I sat on the patio, where he was reading Pride and Prejudice, and discussed computer electronics.

Later, I was walking home before it rained some more, when suddenly I heard something right behind me.  It was S, who had stalked me all that way without me knowing it.  It was startling.  I’m not sure what he had in mind–go home with me?  He’s a little over-attached at times; it’s worrying.  Avdi had to come pick him up (and drove me home while at it).

For a change of mood, here are the latest irises.

Erev preps were easy this week–no challah!  Also Avdi and I collaborated on dinner, so even easier for me!  Every Pesach features the same quote: “What will we eat?!”  Then we get extra creative and come up with yet another feast.  Matzah turned out to be more popular than we planned for!  Next year–double the boxes!

Predictably though, the kids are losing patience with no bread, cookies, real pizza, baking, etc, etc, and we’ve cut some corners on restrictions, or you could say, gone Sephardic kitniyot all the way!  I could write a book of all the versions of “The Four Questions” I’ve tried to answer for the kids!  Call it a teaching week.  Though maybe a shorter week [sacrilege!!] would prove just as effective if not more!  In my humble opinion.

I’ve gotten a lot of gardening done every day.  I’ve been hardening off more of the seedlings and planting them, plus adding more direct-sown seeds where needed.  I’m trying to make as much creative use of the limited space available as possible.  It looks like plenty of space, until you start filling it!  It’s more of a community garden this year, with everyone participating and requesting their own areas for favorite plants.

The local critters are getting more used to me always being there.  The robin, sitting on her eggs in the nest she built over the spotlight on the back porch, now just sits there when I’m around.  The chipmunk who lives on the back porch sat for minutes while I got a shot of him/her basking.  So far I haven’t seen many rabbits, fortunately, so the tiny seedlings get a chance to root.

I forgot to mention in all the bustle the “miracle” at my final perio procedure.  They were going to mistakenly charge me another thousand plus that I didn’t owe, because of a typical disconnect between the insurance co. and the dentist’s office.  Somehow the final insurance check got misplaced!  It had taken hours of my time and theirs to get to the bottom of it, but I was persistent, and it turns out they may even owe me money!  So that was a big relief, considering what I pay for enhanced dental coverage; another thousand dollars would have wiped out my tiny savings.

Anyway, back at Avdi’s Farm, I’ve been busily planting and cultivating, too much to itemize.  I’m steadily transplanting seedlings and direct-sowing as well.  Wherever plantings haven’t done well, I’m filling in with others.  Elsewhere around the yard, I’ve been making improvements.  I know Avdi would love to have the time to help work on the garden, so I’m trying to make a special effort to manage that aspect of things and make it functional as well as spruced up for him.

Meanwhile, the naturalized perennials and native flowers and plants are thriving without any help from me.  It’s like a paradise this year, probably from all the rain and mild temps.  The kids have really taken an interest and gotten involved in understanding how all the native plants and wildlife have evolved to work together in a network, and need each other to survive.  When we work with and not against nature, we’re ensuring our own survival as well.

Here is a brief photo summary, from chametz-burning, to hurried Haggadah planning session on the patio, to literally some of us under the table, to next year in freedom and justice for all victims of persecution and genocide.  Plus lots of cooking and preparation in between.  It was unconventional and lively, considering the participants, but a success on every level.  One seder was definitely more than enough!

The seed potatoes arrived, so yesterday I got them prepped and in the ground just in time for it to pour.  In keeping with the theme, I made potato latkes to add to all the leftovers, and set the table as if for a second seder, just to keep things festive.  Then the rain let up and I walked home to my decidedly non-festive minimalism.  (All the Pesach food and amenities are at Avdi’s!)

This occasion warranted a rare selfie of the (self-appointed) Presider Over Beer bringing this event to order!  I even made an amusing attempt at badminton (fortunately not pictured).  It was a perfect cool spring day, which naturally led to roasting things over a fire.  Lots of friends of all ages and persuasions showed up in waves throughout the day.  E made wonderful banana oat cookies.  I had spent the night, so I could get up and help set up.  I stayed until evening, then walked home, exhausted.

Just to back up a little, I spent erev preparing for both Shabbat (the last challah for the week), and Pesach.  It’s not as complicated when your family circumstances necessitate keeping to the spirit, not the letter!  The “Raging Sages” might turn over in their dusty graves, but our reality tends to keep things simple and prioritized.  Just the constant war on hametz (i.e. all the non-Pesach food debris left behind by four savages) keeps me busy!  But we will have the basic essentials, including my formerly undefeated charoset (sportingly conceded to “Uncle” Robert.)

I leave you with some peculiar clouds after the last “tornadic” storm.

I spend some time every day at Avdi’s, though I took a short “break” to have the next step of perio implants open-mouth surgery .  The final stage is coming up soon!  I’ll be much poorer but much happier.

Most of my garden work right now is maintenance and occasionally adding new transplants as it gets warmer.  And of course there’s always housework to do.  And Pesach preps to start.  Avdi’s work and life continue to be extremely exhausting and frustrating, so I try to find more ways to help, or at least not make it worse.

Yesterday evening we had an impromptu dinner (beef and choice of fresh veggies) cooked over a fire (by Y), with varying degrees of success/crispy cinders!  K mowed the lawn for the first time this year, in preparation for our first official B&B on Saturday.  I lingered hanging out on the patio with drinks, then walked home before it got too dark.

The overnight while A&J drove to Indianapolis and back went smoothly and without a hitch.  No meltdowns, just everyone getting along and self-regulating.  Lots of gardening got done, including planting asparagus, adding herb transplants, starting E&Y’s raised beds, and extreme hoeing.  I didn’t even notice when A&J got home, I was so absorbed in discussing Y’s garden with them.  Avdi seemed very reprieved.

Another erev Shabbat accomplished.  It was a perfect spring day.  Avdi and Jess worked in the office, while I worked on homey stuff.  The challot came out spectacularly fluffy.  A and I got to drink negronis out on the patio.

S was having a particularly extreme meltdown, probably from being overtired.  Some of the tactics suggested by his autism specialist do seem to help a little.

I walked home in the beautiful spring evening, but will return tomorrow to spend the night so A&J can go to a concert in Indiana.

I had some good news at my oncologist–my lab work counts are looking fairly stable and not too off the charts, so I must be doing something right, or at least my leukemia is being lenient to me, so I guess I get to stick around some more.

I spent the night over at A’s, so I could sit in on a morning home meeting with S’s autism specialist, who provides education and strategies for caregivers.  I find these sessions very enlightening.  She also informs us of additional services that S may qualify for.

The rest of the day I did some sorting jobs for A–sorting and organizing kids’ meds, teas, the fridge contents, etc.–plus the usual housework.  Avdi was able to get out to MoBot to work and clear his head a little.

“After” more work at home, he even had a few minutes to share a drink and update me a little, and check out my projects in the garden.  He’s so distracted with work and worries that we rarely have a chance to even communicate.  But he says just my presence helps him feel not as alone.

Today I walked over to A’s and worked on the garden.  I finished laying a brick path down the middle of the herb garden.  I cleared and leaf-mulched the area for edible perennials (strawberries, prickly pear, horseradish, and soon, asparagus).  I cleaned up Percy’s grave and the path to it.  I watered the garden.  I also did some housework.  Y told me all about the total eclipse viewing.

Later, we all (except E) went to Seoul Taco at the Loop in U-City.  It was great food in a fun atmosphere.