Besides for erev preps, yesterday I reseeded the cilantro, planted native butterfly milkweed seeds in several places to stratify over winter, repotted some tropicals, and watered.

Dinner was quiet, as each of the kids quickly retreated to their various lairs.

Then I stayed late so Avdi and Joyce could go to a Gary Numan concert, which looks to have been epic.  It remained eerily quiet at home, as the kids may have worn themselves out with all their latest adventures.  I actually dozed off.  As I expect you’re doing if you’re still with me.

Today begins the sukkah building, a highlight of our year, so I must sign off.

I did a liquid fast for YK.  I took advantage of my old sick person dispensation and compromised!  Cuz I gotta take the drugs with something, y’know.

I walked to Avdi’s, did some serious garden stuff just to feel useful, then took it easy.  Around 4 I cheated a tiny bit (so I could take meds).  At drink o’clock (5), I broke my drink fast with a real drink!  I was impressed that Avdi fasted through the work day until literal sunset, and so did E!  Not sure about the others.  As I made dinner, E was prepping his own high protein diet.  I inhaled spaghetti and meatballs, then walked home at sundown under the moon.  The clouds looked like peach ice cream, my favorite summertime flavor!  (Me not obsessed with food!)

Here’s what I did in the garden: I covered the weed-overgrown section (formerly the strawberry patch) of the perennial food beds with cardboard and then wood chips, and watered it in.  It may be the only strategy that works.  I’ll have to get more plants in spring and start over.  But look how improved it looks!

I’ve included photos of the garden work I did yesterday (the silphium stalks came down after all), plus the neighbor kitty relaxing in the front garden.

Yes, the country is being destroyed by violent psychopaths as we speak, but that’s just too unspeakable for words.  I stick to what I somewhat understand.

This will not be your typical Yom Kippur post, whatever that means, being in an extremely non-neuro”typical” family.

While I was having a nice productive gardening day, Avdi was dealing with impossibly complicated issues relating to the kids’ mental health, ridiculously unaffordable and inaccessible therapists and psychiatrists for the whole family, and the vicious cycle of trying to focus on the work that will not ever quite support all these needs, while having to lose work focus/time to deal with delinquent kids, and feeling like a failing parent.  Like I said, complicated.  That’s only the synopsis.

Skip to our monthly date, which Avdi needed to keep if only to briefly escape all the trauma at home.  For me, it was another colorful adventure in this strange city that never fails to amaze.  So much going on around each corner.

First, I finally got to see Avdi’s workspace, Nebula.  It was nothing like the boring office space I had been picturing!  See for yourself!  I just love the touch of the urinal planter!

Then we hung out on Cherokee, bar-hopping.  These two joints, The Whiskey Ring and Yaquis Pizza, were both interesting in different ways.  I had a very good Sazerac with absinthe in the first, where we went and sat outside.  The whole time, Avdi was having to deal with Y’s latest misdemeanors.  But at least he was able to share a little with me.

The second one had excellent pizza, and live jazz.  I actually didn’t get a second drink, GF.  Amusing drunk characters kept talking to me.  It felt a little like Baltimore, sort of eccentric/homey.  Sadly, Avdi’s concerns were still pressing, just not as adjacent.  Inevitably, he would have to go home and face it all head-on.

As we walked to the car, these people were creating some kind of indescribable (analog electronic?) music out in an empty lot, under the moon.  We hung out there for a while.  As I said, this city is full of unexpected surprises and creativity.

So now it’s Yom Kippur, but the continuing drama of dealing with divergent needs doesn’t stop for even the holiest of holy days.  I know Avdi feels hopeless much of the time, and I can see why.  Of course it’s the system failing us, not him failing to handle the impossible singlehandedly, but that doesn’t ease the worry.  I feel powerless to help ; all I can do is hope to keep supporting myself so I don’t become an additional drain, and try to find small ways to ease his daily reality.

If I believed in the gods of vengeance, I would insist they quickly bring karmic hell down upon these wicked, depraved fascists, as justice demands.  That’s my YK “prayer”.

Yesterday I raked out the whole front length of neglected rock garden along the fence, except for the remaining silphium (cup plant) stalks that haven’t keeled over yet.  I’m trying to keep a balance between leaving things alone for critters to overwinter in, and prepping the area for native flower seeds that I’m going to introduce to stratify over winter.  Once everything is seeded, I can go ahead and let leaves naturally mulch all the beds.

I also raked out the two raised beds in the back along the same fence.  I’m not sure yet what to use them for this time around, since the pumpkins, melons, etc. didn’t work out there.  For now I’ll just mulch them with leaves and wood chips to break down over winter.  (Just thinking out loud here; my strategies change every five minutes.  It’s the middle of the night, and playing garden chess in my mind is what I do for fun.)

It may not look like it to an outsider, that is, someone who doesn’t see the whole underground picture, but with a little “help” from me, our small part of the landscape will hopefully become even more attractive and beneficial to more native pollinators and wildlife that are essential to balance the whole ecosystem which includes us.  Another small island of life in a barren manicured wasteland of exotic invasives, toxic chemicals, and development.  If you think I’m exaggerating, fact-check me.  It may not change the eventual destruction of our planet, but it’s what I can do right now.  Oct. 1, and still summery.

I did a lot in the garden today.

I cleaned up the so-called “artichoke bed” (with one lone surviving artichoke plant), and planted some native blue mistflower plants I got from a local gardener, next to the yellow tansy, and finally added some comfrey I dug up from the herb garden.  So now I guess it’s a large flowering natives and herbs/artichoke bed.

I transplanted some thyme into the thyme space vacated in the herb garden.

I transplanted a redbud sapling in the side garden where the walnuts were removed.

I moved a stray red celosia to the small square bed on the back porch.

I weeded the new veg rows.  Then I watered everything, and admired all the beautiful native flowers blooming this time of year in yellow, white, and lavender-blue.

My objective is to get the whole yard sorted, planted, and mulched with organic material by late fall, then sit back and wait to see what new life spring brings.  It’s part of my evil plan to not have time to die.

Notice my jungle “trees” at my apt.  Soon they will be joined by most of the other tropicals from Avdi’s for the winter.  It will really be a jungle then.

Tower Grove Pride was beautiful.  So many proud queer people in every color and form, just out strolling, being themselves without fear.  As far as I could see, there were no incidents or harassment.  I didn’t take photos, because I didn’t feel like a tourist, I felt at home.  There were a lot of good causes and orgs being represented, as well as international foods, crafts, books, music, services, and pretty much anything.

I met up with G, who was helping get signatures and support for a pro-queer MO political petition, and we took a stroll, and met a nice black couple chilling, and some js got shared and passed around.  They hang out at the same dance/rave venues we do, and we talked music.  I admit I forgot all about the original objective of G and I going off aside to talk, because I was all jabberwocky.

After that, let’s just say I was spacing around, quite stoned, slightly lightheaded, and enjoying myself.  In the zone.  I met a dog lying completely exhausted at one of the animal booths; nothing could wake him up.  I almost tipped over getting down to pet him!  I’m a bit out of practice.

When we got the signal to meet up at the appointed pavilion, I inevitably got lost in space, circled around for quite a while, and finally found them.  I don’t know about the others, but it was a good day for me.  I slept over, actually sleeping, and picked up my dark dream saga pretty much where it had left off.  Still no closure, just a mental breakdown, a typical (not normal) night.  I don’t need weed for that!

The rare selfies were before we went.

Today I planted checkered/guinea hen fritillaria bulbs all over the gardens for spring.  Then I did my usual erev Shabbat preps, including some reincarnated leftovers featuring coconut in various forms–a Thai noodle casserole with coconut milk, and a fruity bread pudding with coconut custard and shredded coconut.  One would think I was having a craving.

Tomorrow I’m excited to be going to my first Tower Grove Pride (not the corporate one, the STL community one).  I predict I’ll be in my element again.  This year I know more people who are going or representing, having lived here for a few years now.

I had lots to do outside on this perfect cool day, and plenty of raw materials.

I did my best to clean up the damaged side garden where the walnuts used to be.  I cut and processed all the cut tree branches into piles, and used some for hardscaping.  I wood-chipped Percy’s Memorial Path.  I raked out Y’s rock garden.  I planted some native flower seeds in various locations around the yard.  I cultivated the rows of new greens coming up.  I watered in what I had done.

Then I made dinner, a vegetarian Asian stir-fry with rice and Thai rice noodles.

This happened today: we had a tree service come and do extensive work, including chopping down the two walnuts, and trimming a lot of trees.  I had a lot of fun “supervising”, i.e observing and kibitzing while drinking a beer.  I felt right in my element.  The guys were very friendly and efficient.  They gave me two big bins of wood chips, and accommodated our request for sukkah poles and firewood, plus branches for landscaping.  It looks a lot better.  The landlord is going halves with Avdi.  I got to organize and be in charge of a big project, which was an accomplishment.  It will give me plenty of fodder to keep me busy.

Rain is continuing on and off.  The garden is very happy.

For RH second evening I made bread pudding, a raw veg platter, leftover sweet potatoes with added pineapple, and leftover brisket with rice.

Avdi collapsed on the sofa and slept a while, which he needed.  I’ve been sleeping a lot and dreaming intense, dark labyrinthian dreams which leave me exhausted and bewildered.  The stuff I watch streaming pales by comparison.