I’ve reached that surreal zone I get when I’m sick at home alone for a few days.  Like the silence of being underwater, or a vacuum.  I can’t smell or taste much.  My dreams are more insane and continuous than ever.  Can’t focus.  I could eat, or not.  I made it down to 124.x lbs.  People exist as texts once in a while.  And there was NyQuil and there was DayQuil, the [?]th Day.

It’s erev, and I’m not there, unheard of.  It’s E’s birthday, and Stacey and S are in town, still not.  Loucious must think I died or something.  At least I did get the lawn mowed.  I will make it to the first B&B/E’s celebration tomorrow, if it kills me.  At least my remains will be there!  I will be haunting around somewhere.

I was determined to mow the backyard, flu or no flu, so I did.  The proceeds that would have been E’s pay for doing it will go to his birthday German exchange program fund.  And now back to bed.

I’ve been sick.  Flu or something.  I stayed home a full day.  Then I tried to make myself get over to A’s, but that was a mistake.  It’s very surreal, like being in a silent vacuum under water or in space.  I do have a few photos for you.  Other than that, I got nuthin.

It was not just one sudden tornado warning, but several waves of severe storms, t-warnings, high winds, and flooding throughout the day and night.  Oh, and predictions of baseball-sized hail.  While I was at A’s helping to batten down the hatches, it was mostly a nice sunny day, interspersed with warnings and sirens.  The schools dismissed early.

I was feeling sick (sore throat, slight fever, head stuff) so I went home to sit out the “big one”, which fortunately mostly flew over above and beyond us, leaving lakes and rivers outside the apt and I assume in A’s yard.  “Flyover state” should mean stupid tornadoes stay at high altitudes and just pass over us!  I know, it doesn’t work that way, but c’mon.  It’s getting worse every year, for obvious reasons.  I don’t want to get used to it.

We’re supposed to get a Big One this evening, after T-storms all night and morning.  The whole state, apparently.  Severe everything.  Schools dismissed early so we can kiss our asses goodby etc.  Going to HAIL!

Gotta go help batten down, so a quickie:

I added on a roll of hardware fencing to the top of the “temporary trellis” out front, and planted loofah gourd seeds in two big pots to climb onto it.  I’m sure the storm will destroy it, oh well.

I planted several kinds of seeds in various places: more poppies in the p.pear, okra outside the veg, nigella on the other outside, ornamental popcorn in the 3 sisters jungle, and another variety of kale in the veg.  Loucious discovered gnawing on corn cobs!  (He also got a haircut from Jess.)  The outside of the veg garden is now officially planted, and most of the inside.

We had our family meeting.  No comment.

I took my time at home today, getting stuff done, then took the bare-root strawberry plants and seeds that had just arrived over to A’s.  I planted the strawberries in their prepared bed and watered them in.  Then neighbor Angela paid me in beer(!) for a minor job I had done, and we talked for a few minutes.

After that I listed a few more items on marketplace.  Note my assistant Loucious, helping me sell things.  I avoided cleaning up the kitchen disaster area.  Sometimes you gotta draw a line.  Now I’m just hanging around so Avdi can go out.  My exciting life.

Actually, this excites me: lots of mushrooms in the woodsy area, because of all the natural compost of sticks and leaves building up.  It looks like an actual woods.  Also, my mist flower is coming back, and the artichokes are coming up!

It took me all morning to clean up the kitchen before I could start the challah.  I think I must have run four full DW loads all told throughout the day.  I even figured out how to clean out the filter assembly–eewww.

E and Y had their Dr appointment in IL.  Y was feeling sick at school and I picked him up.  We had a tense moment when A was worried Y wouldn’t be able to make this crucial appointment, the last one for a while, but it worked out.  It was more stressful after learning that one more available source of gender-affirming care is going to be shut down because of evil trump.  There are still some options out-of-state, but it’s getting critical.  This is so wrong.

I made a simple dinner, a caesar salad with lettuce from the garden and chicken.  Y didn’t join us, E and K did briefly, and Avdi couldn’t even eat, he was so stressed out by work and pressures.

E found out there’s more to chicken-raising than he thought–you have to get a permit.  So our plan to pick up chickens today is postponed.  He’s only getting five layers and no rooster, so that simplifies compliance with the regs.

Somewhere in there I did get a chance to plant a couple of kinds of flower seeds–cathedral bells vine on the other side of the front arch, and salpiglossis mixed colors in Y’s rock garden.  Again, not native, but sometimes you just don’t give a f.  Yes, I said it.

Today the strawberry plants arrived, so I’ll be planting them in the dedicated bed as soon as I get over there.

You know, I keep on thinking I can’t handle another job or responsibility, and then I do.  At the same time, I look at everything Avdi has to manage single-handedly, even with some help (not all of it reliable), and it boggles the mind.  Every new task I take on is just a drop in the bucket compared to the overwhelming load and pressure he’s under.  And it’s never-ending, and constantly being complicated by setbacks.  No human should have to deal with so much work, no end in sight, and barely treading water financially, even with budget cutbacks.

In hindsight, maybe the kids will understand why he couldn’t spend more time with them, and even appreciate how they had to learn to be more self-sufficient and part of the solution.  I was clueless and helpless at their ages, but this is a different time in history.  The deranged racist criminals in power have made life so much more difficult for everyone, but especially for already marginalized people who are bearing more of the brunt of it.

Something’s got to give, but it won’t be pleasant.  I don’t believe in god, but every day I “pray” that these unhinged lunatics and complicit supporters will be held accountable for every crime and face appropriate justice.  If not, the earth itself will rise up and take vengeance.  It’s a law of nature.

Today I learned how to sell stuff on Marketplace for Avdi.  I sold an electric cultivator, a gas trimmer, and still have a leaf blower to sell.  It’s my latest trick.  We have a couple of kids’ bikes to give away or sell, and probably it’s just the beginning of this venture.  I enjoyed handing Avdi $150 in cash today.  Now I’m thinking about some of my own items I could sell.

I didn’t get any gardening done except watering, but making easy money for the family makes up for it.  Somehow I’m more tired, though.

My counselor says I need to make sure all family concerns and plans get brought to Avdi first and get brought up at the weekly meeting, so everything has a protocol and chain of command, and I don’t get stuck in the middle having to make a quick decision in the absence of Avdi or a guideline.  If it doesn’t get brought up at the meeting, it can wait.  Kids must run things by Avdi first, not take advantage of my being out of the loop.

I think I’ve managed to get everyone pissed at me for entirely different reasons!

1. Avdi might be pissed because yesterday I got distracted gardening when I should have been sorting out the shopping list, putting in an order, and picking it up.  I tried to make up for it today by doing more housework.
2. Y is pissed at me because I wouldn’t take him straight from school to someplace to watch friends horseback riding without getting permission first, and when I asked where is it, he was all ” Why do grownups always ask for directions?  You have a phone!!”  Also, I did have other things to do for Avdi.
3. E was pissed at me because I asked if he was all prepared for the chicken project with equipment, site prepared properly, and lots of money.  (From what I’ve seen, he isn’t, but what do I know?)  He wants me to drive him to pick up chicks on Saturday.  He said, “You don’t trust me??”  (Later he bought some equipment I had suggested he might need for chicks.)
4. K is more tolerant, but I could tell he wanted me to make a special trip to get more tortilla chips for the nachos he wasn’t, and then was, going to make (on my suggestion) instead of the more elaborate meal he wasn’t prepared to make, so I anticipated by saying I wouldn’t be doing that.  So he asked A to get some on his way home.
5. I’m pissed at me because a job Avdi gave me, selling some used items on Marketplace, isn’t coming together easily for me.  I took the photos, gathered the info, tried to estimate the prices based on eBay, which was not straightforward, then couldn’t figure out the simplest task of adding the G-photos to the listing.  I get so frustrated with the simplest tech.

Avdi is probably more pissed at me for bothering him with all these dilemmas while he was trying to work remotely.  That makes all of us pissed at me for failing to navigate the challenges of dealing with 21st century mishegoss.

Somewhere in there I did manage to do a garden thing: I constructed a mockup of a trellis idea for the new front garden area.

Apparently people aren’t pissed at me after all?  I’m so confused.

K made great nachos, and then made great chicken kebabs.  In between courses, I took the kids’ friend S home, and came in to meet his mother and English bulldog Henry.  We really hit it off, and seemed to have lots in common.  But when I returned to A’s, E told me that was a façade, the mother is usually emotionally abusive to S when others aren’t around.  I guess I still take people at face value and don’t pick up on the undercurrents.  I’m hoping the visit will maybe have a beneficial effect on that dynamic.

I created a whole new garden bed up front in about an hour or so.  It’s adjacent to the little garden with the arch, with the front walk in between.

I layered cardboard, sticks, leaves, and compost soil from the open pile, and watered it in.  It has the cedar in the middle, and the mini-rose on the corner, so far.  Instant garden!  Eventually I want to screen the open side with plants or a trellis with vines, so it will be a private space when you enter.  I’ll add more organic material as able, and plants.

It was amusing to watch each kid walk right by it and not even notice it.  It’s partially hidden by a big bush.  Finally I showed it to Y, who was somewhat interested.