Today was my surgery evaluation exam.  After many hi-tech gadgets, squirty stuff, flashy lights, and decisions, I’m scheduled for the most basic (cheapest) procedures, which will restore my distance sight to where I technically won’t need glasses for driving, but will still need prescription glasses for close up.  There will be separate surgeries for each eye, with recovery time and exams in between and after.  All this will take me into September.

It was hard to decide which is my priority, seeing better to drive, or being able to read print and screens, which I also do a lot of.  But as S sagely commented later, it’s better to be safe on the road.  I can always get better reading glasses.  You have to pay thousands of dollars out of pocket for the fancy elective upgrades, wherein you get all the vision.  Seems a little greedy at people’s expense, but that’s our capitalist system.

My eyes were super-sensitive to light without the dilation shade inserts they gave me, so I stopped home for a bit to recover.  The apprehension is a little overwhelming.  I felt really weird and tired, for some reason.  Partly it’s the nervousness.  All the other patients there were nervous, too.  We agreed it sucks to get old.  Also I suspect the numbing and dilating drops went to my brain.

But I made it over to Avdi’s, finally, and immediately had to lie down on his bed and rest.  Then I got up and did some stuff in the garden.  I harvested the zucchini and some tomatoes, found lots of little baby watermelons on the vines, more little pumpkin-looking gourds, and a growing eggplant.  S was swimming in the pool.

Here are a couple of photos I snuck of E’s party setup, and the obligatory garden shots, including a lurking dog, not posing.

Being the grownup on the scene is hard work sometimes.  I’m not talking about the 16-year-olds holding their private party out back.  They’re fine.  It’s quite easy for me to stay inside and respect their boundaries.  It’s the younger kids who are baffling sometimes.

For example.  The youngest, S, could not understand why he couldn’t stay outside and crash the party.  People!  FOMO! Outside!  E very patiently explained that it was a private, by-invitation-only, teen going-away party for his friend C, located here because of the conducive back yard, and S needed to respect their boundaries.  Just as, if Y or S had a friends-only party, it wouldn’t be considerate for us to barge in just because of all the action.  A B&B is different, because we’re all invited and a part of it.

E did a really good job of calmly explaining and empathizing, better than I could have done, patiently hearing him out.  The whole time, S was standing there looking uncomprehending, not able to process the concept or articulate adequately what had him so lost.  E was able to talk him down, and S and I ended up doing some fun things together that were more age appropriate, and he was ok.  I’m actually curious to understand if it was a common autistic response to not being included, or something more complex.

Y, on the other hand, stayed holed up in his room as usual the whole day, until it was time for his scheduled tele-therapy.  I reminded him, as Avdi had asked me to, a half hour ahead and a few minutes before, which yielded the usual surly monosyllable, so I know he knew.

A half hour went by; then E came and got Y to go outside to see someone, not knowing about the appointment.  I stopped them and explained Y was supposed to be in the middle of the call, and wasn’t he?  To which Y, with characteristic indifference, replied, oh, I forgot.  He proceeded outside, then back to his room, no doubt disgusted at me for inconveniently expecting him to follow through.

I mean, I’m just the messenger.  I don’t nag, especially not Y, who will bite my head off if I even talk to him or look at him!

That’s what I mean by being the grownup substitute–I’m not an authority figure.  I can’t even visualize myself as one.  Other people younger than me are much better at getting results.  I was always under someone else’s dominance and control, conditioned to see myself that way.  Even at work, I couldn’t supervise or manage people confidently.  I felt like I had imposter syndrome.

But enough of that.  Just needed to vent to the void.  Have a beer.

This is a big going-away party day for E’s good friend C, who is (lucky duck, or should I say goose) moving to Canada!  We all want to go with them.

I know E is not too happy, but he’s compensating by making a big bash of it.  The food and preps alone are impressive.  S assisted in setup.  All I did was some of the shopping, and finally taking down all my pink garden tie tapes.  Mostly I plan to stay out of the way.

It’s still steamy out there, after yesterday evening’s quick t-storm, but if the plants are happy, so am I.  There are still more flowers showing up.  There hasn’t been a flowerless interval all season.  Speaking of which, I must go pick a bouquet for E’s party.  And here it is now.  And oh look!  A zucchini!  And a little pumpkin gourd!  And more okra!  Keeping hopes alive.

A weather map I saw said STL’s heat index reached 124 yesterday, and outlying towns were close to it.  I was not far off.  Today’s warning is up to 115 heat index.  This is getting real.  Real unhealthy for humans and other lifeforms.   Not complaining, exactly!  An ice age would be worse, IMO.

Speaking of health, I got my cataract eval appointment made.  I’m both hopeful and nervous.  It’s for routine outpatient surgery, but the description sounds horrifying!  They peel your outer eyeball layer off and replace it with an artificial synth one.  If you pay lots more (not) you can get all sorts of hi-tech cybernetic enhancements.  What could possibly go wrong?

My excuse not to go outside is legit valid, so far: I had actual business to conduct by phone and computer.  But soon I will run out of excuses.  I already have terminal cancer, so I can’t use that one.  I still half-bakedly insist it beats winter!  You can quote me.

So I made it into the broiler and back, watered, and discovered my two prize slicer tomatoes got eaten by bugs!  I’m sad.  I wanted to show Avdi I can grow bigger balls tomatoes.  There is a lot of pest action this year.  Probably because OPP (other people’s pesticides) have killed all the good predators of the bad bugs.  Yeah you know me!

No the heat isn’t frying my brain.  I’m already toast.

And now a PSA.  Bet you didn’t see this coming.

I can’t do it justice, but Dr. Stacey Patton the Genius IMO [who BTW is not transphobic] said, and I lamely paraphrase, we don’t even have a democracy to lose or improve.  If we were going to have a democracy, we’ve had 250 years to get it right.  But nothing has really changed.  The greedy psycho corporate political racists and conmen are always in the majority and get to call the shots.

When so-called dems get their periodic chance, they can’t even manage to get us back to square one, let alone two steps forward.  You can’t compromise with evil.  Then the deviant pervy predators reverse any short-term fixes.  Even white people suffer and get poorer, but they’re too stupid or inbred to see they’ve been scammed.  And POC and queer folk just keep getting redlined and denied human rights.

How many centuries or millennia more do we need to fix a system built on systemic brutality and genocide?  Half the population apparently wants to go back to that.  Even the math is wrong.  If we don’t have equal rights, universal healthcare, a secure social safety net, a viable environment, leaders who serve the people, and all the other definitions of democracy by now, it’s not going to happen under this system.  Either we change the whole system from the ground up, or live with the status quo until the earth itself gets revenge.

OK, I may have embellished upon Dr. Patton’s comments just a little, but I think we’re basically in agreement.  She speaks from a lot more history knowledge and education than I do, plus personal experience, in a much more eloquent way, but I believe she and other Black educators and leaders are correct.  They know their history firsthand, up close and personal.

White people keep deluding themselves into believing either that democracy looks a lot like the “good ol’ days” of slavery, genocide, and aryan nation, or, that if we keep on working hard within the system we have, magically we may achieve a semblance of equality and justice we (white people) can live with, in like a few hundred more years, when all the irrevocable damage has already been done.  Nope.  Not happening.

Did I hear someone (of my 2.5 readership) say they preferred the gardening column?  Hey, it’s my blahg and I get to blahg about any f—ing thing I want so as to avoid melting!  You’ll miss me when I die of cancer or heatstroke, whichever comes first!

Thank you.  Have these fine and worthwhile real donuts made by K, and the Monster Crawling Sasquash.  Ahahahaha……………….

Just when you thought it was safe to go outside again–heat indices of like 112º!!  Or was that 121, it’s hard to tell.  This is a lot, even for Missouri, the Misery State.  Just add toxic waste and fumes, manure, and hot spices, and you get India!  At least there you have some wild jasmine and incense to compete with the aromas.

So naturally Y went to 6 Flags, an even hotter place!  Fortunately I mentioned the dangerous heat, so he modified his outfit.  I’m very aware of how fortunate we are to have AC, and to be able to stay in it!  But some like it hot.

I’m daring myself to go out in the broiler just to take photos.  Stay tuned.  Actually, don’t hold your breath.

In other news, my rent predictably goes up in September.  By a lot.  Yet it’s still below 1K, somehow.  But it means I def won’t have even enough left each month for food or other necessities.  Avdi and Jess have graciously offered to help.  I was hoping to avoid this, but it’s reality.  Again, fortunate to have a family who can do that.  They even more generously offered to help me pay for the cataract surgery, so I don’t have to add further medical debt to my growing list (or go blind).

I found a way to get some sleep overnight at Avdi’s–drugs!  Amaze amaze amaze! I actually slept like a normal person.  Such a novel experience.

So, S is contentedly making noises on the sofa, K is determined to burn down the kitchen experimenting, Y (minus the ticket he forgot) is out there sweltering, and E is probably in his room, which is slightly less warm.

As for me, I’m running out of excuses to not go outside.  If you don’t hear from me, I got clarified like ghee.  Here goes.

Four (well, 3 and a dog under the table) whole photos later, I made it back alive!  Even the flowers are cowering in the heat.  I’ve had to content myself with making wishlists of native flower seeds to get for next year during the fall sale.

Update: 115º heat index possible in STL!!

I thought this erev dinner was going to be standing room only, but as it turned out, only four of us were left sitting.  So that worked out.  I made a salad mostly from our garden greens and cucumber, and the rest of the meal was simple kid-friendly fare.  I was so tired, the others kindly cleaned up for me.

Outside it was pleasantly cool with sprinkles, what I call salamander weather, my favorite, although I haven’t seen one salamander–yet.  That will be a crowning achievement!  In the meantime, my evil plan is to grow more trees and less lawn!  Native saplings are now showing up everywhere, which is progress in itself.

I’ve also achieved my goal of flowers and bouquet material almost everywhere, like a cottage garden.  I have a few more areas to work on, namely up front: the first third of the side along the fence, which is now a dry shade area; and the sunny front walkway garden, which needs refining and redefining.  Perhaps E’s idea of strips of native flowers along the front and back of the yew hedges will happen.

(I’m just talking to myself here; I don’t expect anyone to follow this or even read it.  The end results will hopefully speak for themselves: a mini-botanical garden for my son, and a teaching one for those of the gkids who have “the green blood”.  Plus of course a natural way station for native pollinators and critters to find refuge from the industrial wasteland.)

J&C commented on the back yard that it was a bug kind of a yard!  Maybe they meant more natural than they’re comfortable with?  I considered it a compliment!  (Except for those pesky veg-eating and human-biting bugs, which can DIE!!)

I pointed out some major improvements to Avdi, and he looked at them blankly!  It was very amusing, but also sad, because he never gets a chance to look at the “before”.  I should do a post on before and afters.  Only, he never has time to read them!

Today was perfect for gardening again, so I tackled the woods edge project.  I rototilled lightly all along the edge, extending it out a couple of feet into the lawn.  It won’t stay this pristine, of course, but it’s more prepared for sowing native flower seeds in fall.

S decided to stay at J&C’s today and tonight.  Later, J&C came over Avdi’s, hung out in the back yard, and took K and E  shopping with them.  We’re all starting to interact more and help each other out.  Meanwhile, Y had a whole crowd of friends packed into his room.

Here’s T the dog relaxing at J&C’s.  It’s a dog’s life.

Yesterday I was able to work in the garden!  It was warm, low humidity, with a breeze.  I got as much done on my projects as I could.

• I completely cleaned up the hosta shade garden to look like one.  That involved once again cutting down all the walnut shoots, covering the stumps with black plastic, then dumping all the cuttings and weeds on top of them.  Hopefully that’ll show’em!  I weeded around the plants, raked the front of the bed, and repositioned the logs.  Then I watered it all in.
• I planted all the pepper seedlings E gave me, weeded and watered.  While in the veg, I discovered a cucumber, a couple of new eggplants, and large tomatoes getting ready to ripen.
• I watered the front and back gardens.
• Finally, a small yellow poppy is blooming in my poppy area!
• I weeded and hoed two nonflowering sections on either side of the veg garden, then sowed lupines in with the foxglove, and marigolds, sunflowers and mixed wildflower seeds in the other.
• And, I started my woods’ edge cleanup project.  I removed the metal fencing and stakes, and raked the entire front.  Next, I’ll do some light cultivating while expanding the edge a little farther into the lawn.  Eventually I’ll sow more natives to stratify this winter.

Various mystery plants have been coming up.  One of them, in the veg, I have no idea yet (a euphorbia?).  But I’m pretty sure all the little tree saplings appearing all over may be sycamore!  I’m not sure how they made it all the way to the yard, but I have some transplanting ideas!  This yard is becoming quite the adventure for me.

Of course all the mystery squash plants are literally taking over the yard!  And the tall forest of silphium (cup plant) along the side is starting to bloom yellow.

While all this was happening, S had been delivered by J after having spent the night there, so J and I had a brief conversation.  S went in the pool while I was gardening.  L and I got some frisbee in.  Later on I took S back to J&C’s for the night, where we all hung out talking for a little while.  I keep forgetting how long they used to live here.  But we’ve all matured (??) since then, so it’s like getting to know each other all over again.

Finally!  One solitary E black swallowtail caterpillar on the dill and parsley.  Normally there’d be at least half a dozen by now.  I did see one pipevine swallowtail butterfly on the Dutchman’s pipe vines.  And one E tiger swallowtail in the veg garden.  I’m not seeing any more monarchs around the milkweed.  And there are very few bees and pollinators on the usual flowers.  It’s scary sad.  I did see a hummer or two, though.

Aside from that, it’s like one big bouquet out there.  There are lots of green tomatoes.  All the giant squash, melon, and cucumber plants have lots of yellow flowers, but not much else happening.  The 3 sisters is filled with tall corn, beans, and squash plants, but no veg action yet.  Fellow gardeners across the country are reporting the same phenomenon.

If this is happening for native and heirloom growers, you know it’s a barren desert for pollinators and wildlife in conventional gardens and farms.  It may not be a onetime aberration, either, but rather a trend toward the breakdown of the natural network system we all depend upon for food and life.

All the more reason to keep at what we’re doing for the survival of our environment, so if human systems fail, maybe some plants and animals will perpetuate our planet until if and when humans can evolve to get their act together.

It’s still f—in’ hot out there, but I got a few things done here.

It’s still hot as hell and unhealthy to stay outside for long, but these flowers and plants are thriving.