Erev Shabbat was fairly quiet.  S was at camp, Y stayed to herself, and A worked.  He was feeling pretty under the weather from stress and exhaustion, and even got to catch a short nap or two, in between working and dealing with kid issues.

I did the usual erev preps, and picked up S from camp.  He had had some issues cooperating on their field trip, but it was resolved successfully by the thoughtful counselor.  We had Shabbat dinner with only some disruption.  Later Avdi went out for the night, while I stayed over.  I fell asleep before the kids, since I can’t stay up that late.

There was another of STL’s frequent severe thunderstorms last night.  It flooded the backyard again so it looked like the pool was in the middle of a pond.  It turned out Y hadn’t slept all night, she said, due to fear of monsters while A was away.  It seems that sometimes she’ll actually relent and talk to me civilly, more innocent kid-like, when she’s feeling vulnerable.  Good to know.

Jess came over with Avdi and reclaimed her car, and I walked home.  Poor Avdi had to pump out the backyard while still not feeling well.  Once again I felt guilty for being able to take a break from the kids.  I know I’m helping just by being around, but sometimes, dare I admit it, it’s excruciatingly boring and soul-crushing!  Not to mention stressful and exhausting.

Then I think of how Avdi must feel, with no relief.  Humans weren’t intended to have to go it alone and bear the entire weight of the world.  That’s why humans and dogs get along: we’re all social pack animals, each having a role, sharing and facilitating the work load.  Ideally we function and grow best in a compatible group, not as an island against the world.  But we live in a culture that makes that almost impossible.  Just my opinion.

Yesterday I was able to stay home and drive to two medical appointments, labwork and a second vaccine.  I also finished making my other overdue medical appointments, and arranging rides for each.  That took much of the day, but things were calm enough at Avdi’s that he didn’t need me.

Today I went over there late morning to stay with Y while A went to an appointment, and I got some chores done.  Later I picked up S from camp.  Once again he was very happy, with no issues.  He’s been making some friends.  That experience has been very beneficial for him.

I made dinner, and stayed with Y again while A took S to get some sneakers for camp tomorrow.  It was a very quiet day.  I drove home this evening.  Tomorrow I’ll do Erev Shabbat preps, stay overnight, and relinquish the car.

If this post seems extra boring and non-eventful, that’s a good thing, believe me.  Maybe it’s just a fluke, or maybe it’s that we’re starting to settle down into a rhythm.

Here are random photos.  I got the skeleton for Y for her birthday.  She made the mask.  The tomatoes are fresh from the garden.

Monday I had scheduled a ride to the dentist, so I got to meet a nice county volunteer driver, who even gave me some tomatoes from his garden.  Later I went over to Avdi’s.

Monday was S’s first day at day camp.  There are counselors who can help him with his special needs.  We went to pick him up, and he seemed quite happy.  He has his new friends from down the street, and their Mom Joyce, whom I met at the lemonade stand the other day, and we all hung out in the park, hiked down to the spring, and rode home with them.  Joyce has worked with neurodivergent kids and older people, and understands S.  We’re all getting to be friends.  She came over later and hung out.  Avdi is thrilled to have another essentially single parent nearby to commiserate with.  It’s the beginning of our local “village”.  I’m seeing how such communities form organically, one person or family at a time, starting where you live, literally.

I slept over, so I could help Avdi with all the “festivities” yesterday, Y’s 11th birthday.  He took S to camp, then Y downtown to the city museum, and later shopping.  Meanwhile, free of kids, and with J’s borrowed car, I went shopping for party supplies, got gas, and stopped in at my apartment.  My nice neighbor S and her adorable little daughter named Hunter (the one who always hugs me) needed a jumpstart, so I was able to help with that and talk with them.  They happen to be Black, so I finally have some Black friends here, as pathetically white as that sounds!

I returned to Avdi’s and got the dining room set up and decorated, coordinated the pickup of the homemade cake J’s daughter E was commissioned to make, and picked up S at camp.  He actually looked euphoric!  His really nice counselor Dom said there were no issues at all.  Then S and I drove over to pick up the cake and back home, where he eventually dropped off of exhaustion.  I even had time to harvest the rest of the carrots.

A and Y got back, mission accomplished, and later we had cake and ice cream with our new neighbor friends over, which really made Y’s birthday, and Avdi’s week.  Then I drove back to my apartment to collapse.

Today I actually had both a car and the time to schedule some overdue medical appointments, a couple today, and some for later, along with setting up rides.  It’s complicated when you don’t have continuous access to a car.  Eventually I’ll get caught up.

As silly as it sounds, my main accomplishment this week has been meeting other local grownups.  It’s not something you can force, it just has to happen naturally in its own time.  I consider each person I meet as a potential acquaintance or friend, or at least someone I can learn something new from.

I just love waking to the cheery sound of juvenile delinquents screaming and throwing furniture at each other.  So adorable.  They may be my gkids, but I’m not biased!

Yep, we were off to another great start this morning.  Things settled down after that.  Y sulked in her room, while S glommed onto me.  The usual.  I tried to find things to do.

Avdi stayed away longer than usual (maybe telepathic?) because (as it turned out) he wasn’t feeling well.  I can imagine why his immunity might be weakened.  So I volunteered to mow the lawn.

It was humid after last night’s big storm, but not quite as brutally hot.  (Now a heat index below the 100s seems cooler!)  Relieved flowers towered over the garden.  I even managed to photograph a monarch and a chipmunk.

Afterwards I hosed myself down (you could almost hear the hiss of steam!) and drank a well-earned beer.  Sigh of relief.  Then I walked home.

On the way, I met some really nice neighbors of Avdi’s selling lemonade–all three generations of the family were out there.  They had met S earlier, when he bought me a lemonade.  We had lots in common to talk about.  I felt so much better just getting to meet some new grownups!  Also, they have a pit bull mix rescue for me to meet next time!  It doesn’t take much to make my day.

Erev Shabbat was fairly non-eventful–cleaning, baking, cooking, a couple of extreme kid meltdowns–just the usual routine.

The meltdowns disrupt Avdi’s work day, because he has to take time out with S or Y until they can calm down and re-adjust their expectations.  He has a better understanding of the underlying issues causing their acting out, while I’ve only been with them a short time, and sometimes only see the combative surface manifestations.  It has to be dealt with appropriately to each situation, not simply harshly brushed aside or ignored until the pressure cooker explodes or implodes.

The pressure of juggling distressed kids, long hours of work required to pay the bills, and all the other responsibilities, with little opportunity to balance that with personal time out, builds up.  Sometimes I feel helpless and inadequate to share more of the heavy lifting.  No one should have to do it all alone, but in reality, one often has no choice.

So I just try to find as many jobs to do around the house as I can, and spend time with S, who gets bored and agitated easily.  It helps that we’ve developed mutual trust and affection.  Y, on the other hand, is more complicated.  Sometimes she’s sociable and affectionate, when it serves her need to be the center of attention, but often she’s angry, demanding, mean, willful, and withdrawn.  I haven’t figured that one out yet, so I mostly just stay out of her way for now.

Which is more challenging with the extreme climate meltdown going on outside–it’s difficult to just go outside, let alone play or garden.  Heat indices have been like 110 to 114.  The high humidity encourages more mosquitoes.  People here are more used to it, but I can’t handle it well.  Being confined to indoors with temperamental kids gets old fast, even with AC.  Without it, I can’t even imagine how people cope.

So, on that cheery, apocalyptic note, here are bread and flowers of the more indoor type.  No shortage of those.

STL is under an excessive heat alert through tomorrow night–heat index values of up to 114!  Danger of heat stroke and death!  Car interiors can reach lethal temps in a matter of minutes!  Etc.  Forget Florida, I think I’ve moved to India!  Having barely survived that, and having worked outdoors doing strenuous labor for a living, I feel for all people without the luxury of avoiding hyperthermia.  I never take the privilege of AC and water for granted.  Not a big fan of becoming BBQ.

In more routine news, Y has been demonstrating her more willful, volatile side lately.  Maybe it’s her wolf cub nature coming out.  I leave the taming to Avdi.  I’m just glad his approach isn’t that of my parents and their generation, who didn’t understand or recognize the complex neuro/atypical issues some kids deal with (or can’t deal with).  Their reaction would be outrage, anger, ridicule, and harsh physical/emotional punishment.  Also taking it very personally as an affront and embarrassment.  I’m a product of them, so I have a hard time myself.  I leave it to calmer heads.

In actual routine news, the tomatoes finally decided to start ripening!  There’s even one pepper!  New flowers continue to bloom.

This is going to sound really mundane and boring, but yesterday (after sleeping over), Avdi game me some routine jobs (more like projects) to do to help him out, so I was back in my element.  Half a dozen laundry loads later, I was almost caught up!  I swear the kids’ dirty clothes are cloning!  Still, it beats just sitting and watching meltdowns all day!  Or becoming one!

Another quiet overnight…S did all the bedtime things without fuss and fell asleep on the sofa.  Soon after, Y went to bed and so did I.  This morning things proceeded pretty smoothly, even with Y’s slow lethargic preps for camp.  I even got a temporary reprieve to go home and rest up.  I slept all morning into afternoon.

I’ve figured out S is a No-No-Yes kinda guy; he’ll shriek in protest at having to do the slightest necessity, then a minute later he’s like, I think I’ll go do the thing.  The trick is to just wait.  I recognize it because I’m a lot like that.  I’ll be like, no I can’t possibly drive your car (with or without kids in it) and do all the things!  Then next thing you know I’m offering to borrow the car and run errands!  Tiny increments of adjustment.

And back I go for another overnight.  My main challenge, besides the kids, is finding useful ways to spend the hours and days there, so I don’t die of boredom and feel unproductive.  It’s so hot and humid out, I can barely get anything done in the garden, and the next few days will be even hotter (heat index 109).  I have to keep reminding myself, I’m helping!

I did get a few garden jobs done yesterday and today.  I planted some flower seedlings, “chelsea-chopped” some overgrown perennials to liberate the herbs, weeded the tomatoes and peppers, and watered.  I have to water myself to keep at it in the broiling heat.  I always think of my fellow horticulture workers, having no choice but to keep going and risk heat exhaustion.  Plants out-survive us any day, unless we kill them.

Yesterday Avdi accompanied K and E on a flight to see their Mom in PA and for other matters needing attention.  He returned the same evening.  Meanwhile, I spent the day with S and Y.  They were quiet and cooperative.

There was no bread for Y to make french toast, so she took the initiative and made bread!  It came out perfectly.  S set up up his “friend stand” out front, hoping to make a friend, but sadly there were no takers, and it was hot out.  Hopefully, he’ll make some friends at the special needs day camp A signed him up for.

Out in the garden, the only thing new is the tomatoes finally starting to ripen, about time!  The sunflowers are on my walking route to and from the house.

Yes, I realize this blahg is turning into a grandchildren journal, so bite me.  It’s really only boring to…everyone but me!  It’s never a dull moment, learning the ropes of special needs caregiving, and I’m always learning new tricks.  It’s exhausting, but emotional bonds are being formed.  Trust and patience are essential.  Also lots of time, which I have right now.

When the kids are this quiet and cooperative, it’s uncanny.  Avdi explained it always takes them a while to adjust and settle down, with crises fewer and farther between.  But you’re always waiting for the next roller coaster plunge.

I spent the night, and S went right to sleep, no issues.  The others stayed up, but relatively quietly.  I actually slept well.  Everyone but S slept in.  I got up and got to work cleaning and prepping for erev Shabbat.  S not only didn’t have meltdowns, but took the cue and helped clean up his stuff, and even decided on his own to take his nap, without prompting.  I had the challahs and dinner prepared early.  Avdi and I even got to have our drinks together out on the patio, where it had somehow turned into perfect weather, for a change.

I thought I’d have to leave before dinner to sign for a stupid package, but Avdi talked me out of it.  Jess joined us for a very pleasant erev meal.  After cleaning up, we all took a walk to my apartment!  It was the first time most of us were there together, however briefly.  Lo and behold, there was my package, left at my door, just as A had predicted!

I guess it takes me a while to settle in to a new place and situation as well, but times like these, feeling like a part of a family, help a lot.

Just to clarify my last post, I should have said “It took a village.”  White colonists destroyed native cooperative communities that worked, and established isolated homesteads that depended on spawning lots of white brats to perpetuate their misguided way of life.  Fast-forward to the American rugged individualist illusion, where families hole up in suburban fortresses, showing a façade of success to the outside world, while struggling to make it and raise individuals single-handedly,  who will inevitably try to move on to live their own lives, or not.  Our culture replaced functioning co-op communities with dysfunctional islands all competing with each other.  Hippies attempted to recreate communal living, but eventually internal dysfunction or the need to rejoin the grid won out.  Reality (capitalism) trumps idealism.