Here are some TG side dishes from the kitchen of L42: candied maple sweet potatoes, sautéed Brussels sprouts with fresh cranberries, vegetarian mushroom stuffing, and cranberry lemon bars (uncut).  I also made turkey gravy from scratch to go with the herbed turkey I’ll roast tomorrow.  Most of the herbs I used are fresh from the garden.  There’s also a Dutch apple pie (store-bought).  And that’s just my contribution.  I had fun in my kitchen all day.

Just a quick check-in before TG preps get into high gear.

The other day I stayed with S and Y while Avdi took K and E shopping.  Y was to sit and do their dreaded procrastinated HW, while S played quietly.  It actually happened!  On my watch!  Y spent the whole time slogging away on the HW, while S did animation on his tablet.  I actually got to read a book (on ND science).  Avdi was so proud, he then took Y out shopping!  This is hopefully a trend.

S went back to school this week–so far so good, I think.  I had medical stuff, as usual, and lots of business to take care of.   Right now I’m baking cranberry lemon bars, then going to A’s to watch kids.  Tomorrow I’ll be preparing my list of recipes to bring to TG on Thursday.  I can’t remember the last time I got to join a big homey TG family gathering.  Or got so domesticated.

Update: Change of plans, didn’t go to A’s tonight; he was already tired of being a shuttle service all evening.  It’s all good, because I’m trying not to get sick, and instead got more preps done.  Less preps to do tomorrow.

I spend time almost every day now at Avdi’s, especially with S having been suspended for a week.  That’s a whole issue with the school in itself.  I’ll just say, MO educators need to do their HW and graduate to the 21st century.  The added burden due to incompetence or underfunding shouldn’t be loaded onto already overwhelmed single parents working overtime.  ND kids shouldn’t be rewarded for acting out at school by being continually sent home to do nothing and not be educated.  ’nuff said.

On a happier note, I amazingly made it down to 123.7 lbs!!  My goal is finally in sight.  Walking to Avdi’s, doing housework, and chasing S around each day make all the difference.  The kids seem to respond well to my always being around and have been opening up more.  Now we play and joke around, or just hang out together.  I get to observe what Avdi goes through daily by being there consistently, not just sporadically.

For example, Y often has screaming meltdowns when some little thing frustrates them, like HW or simple tasks, and A has to stop everything and calm them down.  One minute they’re all hyper and manic, the next minute they’re withdrawn and sullen, like a volatile roller coaster.  There’s little in-between.  Ironically, they often behave like S, whom they despise for acting that way.  Maybe it reminds them of themself.  The anger and despondency are strangely reminiscent for me.  Few parents could handle it as well as Avdi does, all things considered.

Shabbat preps went well.  I got to borrow J’s car, so I could pick up some last minute supplies, saving A the trouble.  The meal was enjoyable, and S actually ate some of it!  In fact, yesterday he even finished some of the leftovers!  This rarely happens.  I try to gear my menu to simple recipes he’ll try.

Having the car really helped us all, because I was able to run errands and pick up all the Thanksgiving supplies I’ll need to prepare my portion of it, which I keep expanding to take some of the load off the others.  I can easily roast the turkey and other menu items at my apartment, freeing up their kitchen for all the baking which the kids and their Mom, whose turn it is to visit, will be doing.  We actually get to spend a holiday together as a family (three gens) at home.

Here are some random shots of typical antics and amusements, even serious moments, at The Avdi’s.

For three 1/2 hours yesterday I looked like a VR gamer or astronaut trainee, with goggles, helmet, mike, electrodes, skydiving rig, being spun around in a rotary chair in a pitch-black claustrophobic chamber with bells and whistles and lights, or in an echoey cave-thing with vertiginous lights and disturbingly unstable footing, to mention just a few of the diabolical devices.  The very nice doctor who guided me through the ordeal wasn’t as evil as she looks!

Amazingly, I came out unscathed, just lightheaded after all the fasting and maneuvers.  Lots of charts and graphs of my inner ear canals, nerves, organs, eyes, and brain were created.  It’s fascinating how they all interrelate and connect.  It’s a complex specialized field.  Maybe they’ll figure out what my latest disease is.  Can’t wait.  Actually, I can, because it’s unaffordable.

One thing about B&Bs, you never know what or whom to expect, but it’s always a pleasant surprise, and The Dead Leaves Edition was no exception.  It was a huge success, and a delightful crowd, with many new faces, young and younger.  It was ostensibly the grand finale of the B&B season, but after yesterday’s, which went far into the evening, we’re considering  winter-appropriate editions.

It was a beautiful day in the 60s, bug-and-humidity-free, which may partly explain the turnout.  I got up and cleaned and set up the patio.  E outdid themself with exquisite confections that everyone loved.  Seriously, this kid is a pastry chef.  They also brewed a lovely lemonade tea.  Avdi made a wonderful hot mulled cider in the crockpot, the perfect warming drink for a cooling down evening.  (Some of us may have spiked ours with rum later on.)  Others brought food contributions as well.  There were lots of assorted drinks and beers.  I tried so many I lost track.

One of our new visitors brought her kids, who really enjoyed themselves, and gave S kids to play with.  I myself got to talk to lots of familiar and new people.

It started to chill down later, but people didn’t want to leave, so we built a fire and K toasted things over it.  As the evening wore on, everyone snuggled up to the fire and played trivia games, while others actually played badminton in the dark!  At one point I accompanied Joyce down the street to get more firewood, and I got my Petey the Dog fix!

It was a long day, and everyone was tired, so I just spent another night over.  I actually slept this time!  Even with kids upstairs squabbling before going to school.  S of course is suspended for the week, so I spent some time with him this morning while waiting to get dropped off.  I’ll try to do more of same this week.

Community really is essential to mental health, whether it’s just chilling together, or commiserating over shared human experiences, or celebrating both uniqueness and commonality.  I think I’m finally starting to get the hang of it.

For the second time in a couple of days, I walked over to Avdi’s, and my leg held out.  I’m glad I can get back to exercising.

There’s a house for rent directly across from Avdi’s.  We all wish there were some way to afford it for me, it would be so perfect, but it’s completely out of the question.  It was moving to hear the kids try to think of ways to raise that much money, though impossible, so I could live across the street!  I would need a very reliable roommate to split the rent with.  We resignedly watched some potential tenants with kids look at it yesterday.  It was fun wishful-thinking, anyway.

Did I say S was suspended three times?  Now it’s four, for five days.  He tried to run home from school after whatever didn’t go his way.  We’re hoping he won’t have to end up segregated in a special ed situation.

Other than that, it was a routine day of erev preps.  I made hot BBQ wings, sweet spiced baked acorn squash, and Cajun roasted fresh veggies, some from the garden.  The challah was of course excellent, what can I say.  We had an enjoyable time around the table.

Now I’m home, but going back to spend tomorrow night there, and Sunday for a final B&B of the season.

I’m so behind (for good reasons) that I’ll just post a bunch of photos, and you can get the gist of what I’ve been doing.  It’s all good.  (Well, other than S getting suspended from school for the third time, but that’s another story.)  Y and I seem to be buddies now.

I spent most of today at home applying online for various assistance programs I may be eligible for because of age and low-income.  One is to pay for my Medicare premiums, etc, and others are for help with food/delivery.  Since my income might not increase enough to meet my rising living expenses, I’ll be lucky if I break even.

Missouri repubs use absurd technicalities to make it very difficult to qualify for basic human assistance like Medicaid and related programs, so I have to find alternatives and hope I’m not disqualified by some bogus loophole or long wait lists.  Missouri also makes it complicated or impossible to actually reach the relevant party or sentient being to help you apply for the correct program.  One phone number I called had a queue of hundreds of callers before me.  I’m not that dedicated.

Fortunately, I’ve gotten pretty good at navigating online sites and applications, and scanning/uploading the proper documents to prove I exist and don’t have an imaginary cash stash.  That is, if there’s said sentient being at the other end who gets it.  Then I wait weeks and months, not holding my breath.

But I am brave, according to this CVS sticker I got for getting my latest COVID/Flu shots recently.  I don’t give up without a feeble stab at gaming the system.

Where to start?  It’s been an immersive (for me) couple of days.  But first: last but definitely not least, my latest weigh-in after all the action (and eating actual food) is somehow a record-breaking 124.8!!  I can now round it off to the nearest 120!  Never did I ever expect that.  I credit Avdi, for involving me in family activities.

I feel like I’ve turned a corner in that regard.  The kids seem to be trusting me and opening up more.  I think I’m finally achieving “fixture” status.  We had a lot of fun the last two days, to where I didn’t feel as anxious to get back to my quiet apartment retreat.  I feel more at home with the family.

It was warmer than it’s been, so that helped.  I did erev preps as usual, while Avdi and Jess worked.  I got to share lunch takeout with them.  Avdi and I were even able to have drinks together out on the patio.  (Manhattans, my latest specialty.)  We all had a pleasant Shabbat meal together.

Later, Jess and I stayed with the kids while Avdi got to go out.  I hung out with Y while they painted an impressive acrylic masterpiece; I can’t show or tell more yet, as it’s a surprise gift.  S had one of his episodes, but J managed to calm him down and get him to bed.

Yesterday, it was so warm out that we did some pool cleanup, covered it for the winter, and deflated floats for storage.  S and I played outside.

Later on, A, J, Y, S, and I drove to Emmenegger National Park along the Meramec River.  They were going to go easy and hang back on my (leg) account, but with all the ankle supports I’m employing, I felt confident to forge ahead.  S and I took off to explore the banks along the wide river.  The others caught up to us, and then we all skipped rocks.  I can now add the Meramec River to my MO river collection.

The culmination to our day was A,Y, S, and I eating burgers and fries at the historic Courtesy Diner, down the road from my apartment.  It was between the lunch and dinner crowds, so it was pleasantly quiet.  Then they dropped me off.  I was so tired (in a good way), I just went to bed and caught up on sleep.

Even with the stupid time change, I slept in half the day!  I guess I needed it.

It’s freezing out!  We have freeze warnings!  It figures I had to reschedule my vax walk to/from CVS for tomorrow, when it will feel like it’s in the 20s.  Who knew.  At least I’ll be less sick for it (until after the two vaxes).

Some possibly good news (or my doctor is trying to not scare me): the PET scan results show nothing “major” to worry about, we’ll find out more at my next appointment.  Which I had to reschedule for the end of November.

Things are warming up at The Avdi’s, at least!  My overnight went smoothly and uneventfully, which is progress.  Even the continuing saga of which culprit stole K’s “personal” root beers which Dad bought for “him” is working itself out!  (It wasn’t me.)

S seems calmer and more self-regulating, at least when I’m there.  He takes naps without even resisting, sometimes spontaneously.  He’s more cooperative (with Avdi) about going to the bathroom, normally a big fight.  Yesterday S got upset because a bowl was slightly wet (he hates anything wet), but he immediately took himself into his bedroom, did whatever self-calming exercise he knows to do, then walked back out and dealt with it.  He’s learning to manage his reactions.

Y has been unusually friendly and affectionate with me, a big improvement.  We were playing and joking around a lot.  They even seem to be a little less hateful to S.  Both Y and E have been going out with friends doing activities like trick-or-treating in town on their own, a positive sign of adjustment.  Sometimes they can be in the same room together and get along!

E continues to outdo themself baking wonderful confections, some for gifts to friends.  They are quite the pastry chef.  It seems to be their therapy, as gardening is mine.  Not to be outdone, Y learned to use the latest scary kitchen droid (I call it MurderBot) to make french fries, which turned out great.

K keeps himself entertained in his computer lair, but also is involved in many clubs and extracurricular activities.  He seems to be the most well-adjusted of them all.  I wish I could have been as self-assured, independent-minded, and secure as he is when I was a teenager.

Avdi got to go over to friends’ Halloween get-together, dressed as a zombie-fighter, while I stayed with the kids.

I realize raising four challenging ND kids until (if) they mature enough to be OK on their own, while working long hours to support everyone, is going to be a long, ongoing process, with or without anyone there to help carry the load or provide moral support.  My small part is negligible, but still rewarding to be able to gain the kids’ trust by being a consistent part of their extended family, and provide what little respite I can for my son.  It’s something I never had from the couple of grandparents I had who were still alive when I was born.