I knew going into this new life in STL that one of my main challenges would be withdrawal from having my own garden or some form of nature.  My drive to restore my surroundings to a more natural, native habitat for wildlife to find sanctuary and thrive is so strong and imperative now, having nothing is as unnatural and stark as I imagined it.  I was willing to make that sacrifice for a more essential need, to reconnect with my son and family, and reset myself on a healthier track, and I don’t regret it one bit.

Of course I can walk over to my son’s and work on his garden (when I’m not sick with the ghastly cold from hell), which is always a good reminder that none of us actually owns or has exclusive rights to the piece of land we’re privileged to take care of at this moment.  Strictly historically speaking, it was all violently stolen and appropriated from its original inhabitants, who had a whole different approach to land and earth.  You get to borrow it and manage it properly so as to pass it on in better condition to the next generation, something white “americans” have mostly botched.  That’s why I’m so driven to restore and conserve whatever natural surroundings I’m privileged to borrow.  Earth literally depends on it to survive.

Still, you can’t stop a natural gardener from finding a way; it’s in the blood.  Wherever I am, there will be plants and propagation in some form, however minute.  If there’s no perennial cutting garden, I just find native “weeds” around the parking lot to make a bouquet.  Today I brought my few little herbs in for the season, and realized the area by the patio doors is going to become a plant sunroom.  I mean look at it–what else could it be?  It’s a perfect all-afternoon sun exposure.  Gotta start somewhere.  Hmm, I may need to appropriate someone else’s garden for all the overflow–watch out, Avdi!

[But wait, there’s more…please read on, if you dare.]

This was going to be an erev Yom Kippur ponder, but I’m never very good at those.  YK continues to boggle and obfuscate me.  I feel like I’m supposed to be groveling in self-criticism and begging others’ forgiveness for all the things, not sure what they are or if I groveled enough!  I’m slightly exaggerating, but it’s hard to break out of that old miserable, oppressive mindset.  I know it’s not really like that, but what exactly is it like?

I do feel genuinely sorry for ways I’ve been or things I have or haven’t done.  A couple of you kind, long-suffering readers may know of what I speak!  If you’re reading this, and I’ve harmed or mistreated or misjudged you in any way, please forgive me, I will try to be better!  As for g-d, no comment.  I’m already screwed, if it comes down to the judgey-type g-d.  You made us all human and imperfect, now deal with it!  I have a feeling they’re not around to listen, anyway.

So back to real world matters of consequence.  I’m here in my STL mind zen den, trying to get my head around YK, and imagining green, hopeful things.  Maybe this new year I can finally start to make a minuscule difference in the immediate world around me, grassroots up.  Why else are we here, if not to connect to other humans and help make their lives easier?  If you think it’s too late, then it is for you.  But I’m going to keep on truckin’ as long as I can, got a lot of ground to cover in whatever time is left.

I’ve been in STL for exactly one month!  I can’t even begin to list all the new people, experiences, and revelations I’ve had in one short month.  And I’m just getting started.  Maybe it was a good thing in disguise that I’ve been slowed down, first by the Mystery Vertigo, and now the Cold From Hell, or else I might overload on new stimuli!

It’s also coming up on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year, a time for inner reflection and soul-searching.  I recently heard that the word for “sin” actually means “missing the mark”.  I sucked at archery, so that’s a fitting metaphor for my life up until now.  Some of my arrows may have even made it to space, where they’re still wandering around lost with all the space junk.  I’d be out there with them, if people who love me hadn’t straightened me out and taken my bow and quiver away.  Sometimes it’s just time.  Maybe a rake and hoe are more my speed.  And of course my sacred pruners.  And that’s your YK homily for today.

Haha, and you thought I was about to sermonize you to tears, psych!  I’ll leave that to the experts.  Here’s another–you thought the title referred to the tropical houseplant I brought inside today for the season.  Or does it?  What you don’t know is that camouflaged by all the Tradescantia (“WJ”) is a pineapple plant!  When I rooted the cuttings for the basket, I also whimsically stuck a pineapple top in there, and it took!  Probably some metaphor for a tough, spiny core hidden inside a fragile exterior–or just a tropical plant medley.  You decide.

Today would have been the perfect B&B (Beer and Badminton) day.  The weather was gorgeous, and we all pitched in cleaning up the yard, K. mowing, Avdi trimming bushes, and me cultivating the veg garden a little.  I brought a cooler-full of ice from my insane spewing ice-maker, and we drank some beers.

Only, it was such a perfect fall day that everyone was tied up with other fall activities with their families, or away.  So we called it, and just spent a pleasant time talking around the patio table.  All the while, a very fat, tame chipmunk kept darting right past us, knowing we humans generally have food.  So I fed it some nuts, and it almost came up to me.  So adorable.

Speaking of weather, I was still feeling under it, so after getting some quick essential groceries with Avdi, I made an early afternoon of it and took the evening off.  Times like these, just hanging with The Family talking, and having my little apartment to retreat to, are what moving to STL is really all about.  All the rest is icing.

When do firsts start being seconds, i.e. I’m getting more acclimated to my new home?  Yet it’s all really firsts for me; everything seems new and optimistic for the first time in forever.  I actually look forward to waking up, without the usual storm surge of anxiety and existential despair!  I do not exaggerate!  Who knew an old fart like me could get a second chance?  I didn’t know if that was allowed.  So it’s firsts and seconds, all at once.

Here’s another first: taking my first photo on my new phone that my son had just set me up on (while having our drinks at my apartment).  The real point is I finally live within walking distance of my son and we take turns hanging out at each other’s homes.  (Not to mention my own personal tech support guy mwahaha!)  (He’s not amused.)

Ok, another first: I seem to be tentatively coming full circle back to my Jewish roots, thanks to my son doing same, at least on a cultural and social activism level.  I actually was able to sit through an entire livestream Shabbat service (granted much more lively and with a sense of humor than your average droning service).  And I got something meaningful out of it.  That’s on top of getting to be a part of a family Shabbat “tradition” again.  The fact that it’s casual and nonconventional makes it easier to reintegrate.

I’m also being exposed to new ideas and points of view, thanks to my son and friends, which I find intellectually and ethically challenging, something I crave.  I had almost shriveled up in resignation and just existing before I got here.  The exchange of viewpoints and new experiences (as well as books) is just as vital as water and food; it’s the difference between surviving and growing.  I have a lot of lost time to make up for.  You can teach an old fart new tricks.

I’ve been a little under the weather, but soon I’ll get back to the garden.

Here’s another STL first–my first cold!  Everyone here has had it, why should I be left out!

I walked (dragged) over to Avdi’s, pulled weeds out of the strawberries and prickly pears, then drooped into a chair.

Then I took my life in my hands and tried out the hammock–another first.

Then I got a ride home.

But of course there are photos.  The tree is a view from the hammock.  Sorry, even the photos look under the weather, though it’s a perfect fall day.

Yesterday Avdi and I spent a beautiful fall day together.

First, he introduced me to the arcane (for lack of a better term) world of DND tabletop strategy, role-play, miniatures, and collectible card gaming.  We toured the room, and he even bought me my first pretty dice bag and assorted dice!  I have no clue!  But shiny!  As we walked to Avdi’s, he explained the tabletop gaming world to me, as a way for young adults to continue to enjoy mature pretend play in a safe social environment with boundaries.

Next we went to The Annex café for coffee drinks, croissants, and getting some work done out on the patio.  That is, Avdi worked and I just kibitzed and fed sparrows.  While at it, he started the process of getting me on his phone plan with a new phone (mine sucks).  Also, he bought us tickets to the Justice and Liberty for Abortion event to benefit the Missouri Abortion Fund, organized by national abortion rights activists, including the female rabbi of Avdi’s congregation.  My first official activist event in STL!

Then we got to participate in his synagogue’s Rosh Hashanah Tashlich ceremony, held in a park at a pond.  There was a circle of people and a guitar.  Instead of the traditional bread, to avoid polluting, we threw stuff from the ground into the pond, symbolizing personal concerns and issues we wanted to ask others’ forgiveness for or remove from our lives.  Avdi and I took turns doing ours; then we just had fun with skipping rocks and throwing stuff!  A guy blew an awesome shofar really well.  He even threw in a kid’s tune request!  I love that this group is like a bunch of old diverse hippies with a sense of humor and social justice activism, not a bunch of stuffy pretentious snobs!

Next we continued the park theme, walking in the beautiful old Forest Park along paths through prairie native plantings (asters, goldenrod, heliopsis?, etc) along a river with stately old bald cypress and sycamore trees.  We saw a huge white heron or egret by the water.  There are turtles and frogs.  It was hard to believe this park is right inside St. Louis, in sight of the city skyline, like a mini-Central Park.

Finally, we drove home to Avdi’s, had drinks (my first negroni) and hot dogs on the patio, and later watched (for my sake) the first episode of the series The Expanse.  I have a whole long backlog of shows and movies I’m behind in or never got to watch, so we’re remedying that, one at a time!

That was a lot of firsts!  I’m just trying to make up for lost time and soak it all in.  It really is a second lease on life while I still have some left, so I’m saying yes to as many experiences as possible.  Who needs an unrealistic bucket list, when there are so many opportunities right in my new neighborhood, starting with my own family and friends.  It gives new meaning to the RH hope for a better new year.

This is my first erev Rosh haShanah in St. Louis.  I’m so new I don’t even know how to feel, except thankful and fortunate to be here.  We’re not doing much this year, but just having this chance at a fresh start in good company is more than enough.

We never did make it to the Tower Grove Pride today, as Avdi and friends were overbooked for events as it was.  I was a little sorry, but I made the most of time at home to walk up to the dollar store and buy some more essentials for the apartment, and cleaned it up.  I dragged all the broken down boxes into the laundry room once and for all, so now it looks livable and lived in.  Now I’m just listening to music and grokking the fullness, as they say.

For Shabbat, J&C outdid themselves again with a wonderful shepherd’s pie and sides, and this absolutely perfect apple pie from scratch.  I don’t know how they manage to follow their acts with even better ones, but they do.  Then we (family and good friends from out of town) all watched (or rewatched) the Telugu blockbuster RRR.  Such a fun movie.

Here are updates of my apartment progress.  I may be losing the battle to stay minimalist, as more shiny stuff keeps appearing and injecting itself into the few available crannies.  Once I find a few more items of furniture, I’ll distribute it more.  Or so I tell myself.  I’m like a corvid; I can’t resist shiny things.

The fall equinox brought a sudden cooling down, after a storm last night that turned the grass strip outside my apartment into a river.  So today was the day I started gardening at Avdi’s.  Yay!  I was so garden-starved, I cleaned up half his backyard, and didn’t even break a sweat.  I finally got a fix!  There’s enough there to keep me dosed for years–I think that’s the evil plan!

I got to meet another good friend of Avdi’s who is in town for a few days, and we all got to eat delicious homemade fish tacos by J&C, on incredible naan that they made from scratch.  It’s like having our own 5-star restaurant all to ourselves.  I think I died and went to nirvana.

The two little red things are adorable mushrooms.  The pale yellow flower is okra.  The long narrow red flowers are native coral honeysuckle.  And all the flowers in vases came from pruning back overgrown native wildflowers.

Back at the apartment, I have the window open and fresh cool air coming in for a change.  My family helped me with the rent, and I’m feeling pretty fortunate.

Still taking care of business!  I got my new credit union account yesterday, and bought some more groceries.  I actually have food and basic necessities now.  Such luxury!  My son bought me some lox, bagels, and cream cheese, among other delicacies; oh the decadence!

He introduced me to the Costco here.  It was like Little India!  In fact, Little Asia, Africa, the Middle East, the world!  Like an international shopping spree.  Whites were in the minority, I was loving it!  It was a microcosm of STL in general, so diverse.

It’s been oppressively hot and humid here; hard to tell autumn begins tomorrow.  It’s even too hot for me to garden at Avdi’s, so instead, I repotted my herbs at home, what passes for gardening at my apartment.  My laundry room makes a great potting shed!

My son wants me to be a “fixture” at their home.  While I’m flattered, that’s a hard skill to learn!  So I’ve been practicing my “fixturing” (now a verb in the L42 dictionary).  You don’t want to be lurking underfoot, but there’s not always a job or service to be rendered!  It’s almost like a zen exercise.  The Zen of Being Here Now!  (You can tell I come from Hippiedom.)

It’s easy to have “firsts” here, because everything is so new and different.  Today’s first was trivial and literally not many steps away.  I was going to check out the gas station 7-Eleven store next door, but wouldn’t you know it, I chose the five minutes I guess the lone person managing the place stepped out and locked up!  So I walked farther up the street along the strip malls and the manic traffic to the Dollar Tree.

You know I’m a poor oldster when I shop at a dollar store, and actually find what I need, cheap, yay!  The whole time, I could hear one of the cashiers, a black gentleman, politely and respectfully greeting each gloomy customer who walked in.  It was way above and beyond his pay grade!  When I got up to him to check out, I made a point to be friendly back, and asked him what his secret was!  He confided that he actually had been angry about something, with anger control issues, so he tried to compensate and diffuse it by being friendly to people, to somewhat improve the mood.  After more friendly banter back and forth, he said he felt a little better already!  I said glad to be of service!  We joked around a little more while he rang me up.  I doubt the other bored people in line were amused, but we were, anyway.  So that happened.  My first tentative step into what passes for my apartment’s neighborhood.

Today I got a lot more unpacked and set in order.  I even got my rocks out (shut up) and seashells, which, along with the books and booze and other personal touches, means I’m feeling more myself and at home.  I know, I hear you thinking, what about the so-called new minimalist phase?  It will come in time; hard to teach an old hippie new tricks, like the one where you have enough furniture to distribute all the relics so they look less like a bazaar.

I have a few more business “matters of consequence” to accomplish this week, and then maybe I’ll get to putter in someone’s garden.  I feel so cut off from the natural world where I belong.  But the peace of mind just being here outweighs any sacrifice I’ve had to make.