First World Problems.

I can’t take photos.  I could drag out my old digital camera, but I forget how it works.

I can’t listen to my music while walking.  So I actually dug out my old iPod (!), found the right usb port to recharge it (which took like 24 hours), and listened to tunes I haven’t heard in a decade.  I can’t walk miles in this heat without music.  (Or even with it, when it’s a heat index of 111+º.)

I can’t text or connect with people, especially family, except on messenger, which mostly nobody uses.

I can’t look up anything over at Avdi’s, without my laptop, which is one more object to schlep over there in the heat.

If I need to take care of some business requiring a phone, I can’t.  If a business needs to confirm my ID before proceeding, I can only do it by email, not text.  If an individual needs to arrange or schedule a Dr. ride for me, they can’t.  If I had an emergency, I’d be flat out of luck.  And on it goes…

Wah.

Actually, I’m surviving, so far, but I feel bad and stupid.  Avdi had to order me a new phone under his family plan.  Maybe I can start over with a clean slate, not migrate all my old crap over.  And definitely not bring it anywhere near the pool.  I learned that lesson.

If I didn’t have this laptop, I’d be hopeless.  It’s my lifeline.  I get to keep up with all the horrors of the real world under fascists like trump, starting right in my own city.

For example, people are still living in their tornado-ravaged homes in N. STL, or camped out in tents, with not much hope of their neighborhoods being rebuilt.  It’s almost like our own Gaza.  In many cases they have lived there all their lives, near family and friends, many of whom died in the disaster.  They don’t have anywhere else to go, or a way to afford it.  The city is obviously just waiting for the problem to sort itself out or not, so they can be rid of the “blight” and reclaim it…or let it rot.  Racism in action.

In relation to that, my little first world problem submerges– like a phone in a pool.

Our B&B went really well.  It was so hot, some of us just sat in the pool for a while.  Which was great except for a sad note–my phone decided to go swimming as well, and drowned.  Then the phone started to get really hot, so it had to be exiled.  Then riced.  You can’t blame the poor phone, but it explains why so few photos.  I feel so weird without it (also stupid), and so aware of how attached one can get.

Anyway, a sudden t-storm sent most of us (minus one phone) inside, where we had a good time talking and hanging out.  I got to meet Akasha’s sister.  The kids were mostly not there or involved, which is fine.  I had to leave my poor, dead phone behind, and now I’m home phone-less.  You can temporarily reach me at messenger.  Sad face.

We had a quiet erev, with A, K, E, and me.  I stayed until after dark to finally see my latest garden light show [WIP].  I think it’s kinda cool.  A was out there trying to clean the Green Lagoon [pool].

Today we have our back-to-school B&B.  More on that later.

Avdi took K, Y, and me to my first Transparent meeting.  The kids have their own social group they go to while the adults meet, then rejoin us at the end.  It was fascinating and informative, listening to parents at different stages of the journey voice their experiences and concerns, and support each other.  I think I was the only grandparent present this time, but heard stories of how others GPs were handling things (or not).  The bottom line takeaway of the meeting was, the kids are still your kids, just transitioning, and their happiness is of the utmost importance.

We’re going into another one of those extreme hell advisories (oy).  Pretty soon “normal” days will be the exception, and earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes, tornadoes, etc. will be the new daily forecast.  Anyone who doesn’t see the trend at this point deserves to suffer the consequences.

I’ve been “busy” practicing “being here now”, which sometimes means just staying out of the way reading a book while angsty teens hole up in rooms, occasionally coming out to grab a bite and retreat, occupy the kitchen, do a chore, take hours-long showers, or go out.  I can barely get more than a monosyllable out of Y, who is probably angry or frustrated about something that didn’t go his way.  K has been going through one of his impenetrable bouts of distress as well.  E is polite but not inclined to communicate much.  So, pretty much normal.  I remember it well.  I’m sure my presence helps in some indefinable way, like a conveniently fixed landmark or sofa.  I won’t be devolving into knitting or crocheting, though.  I won’t sink that far!  As soon as it cools off, you know where I’ll be.

Still too hot!  There wasn’t that much to do inside at A’s , so I actually read a book.  I felt so lazy!

As hoped, Y had restored his room to order, just the way I had left it, the floor visible again!  I think it was in a fit of angst, but whatever works.

I’m trying to learn to just be there, a consistent presence, as A suggests, without having to always be laboring to “earn my keep” or feel relevant.  It’s hard!  But I get that it does make a difference.  And I owe it to A to finally be here now, to make up for all the lost time.  The kids are starting to become more independent and spending more time out with friends, as it should be, so now is the time for me to be the Nomi I hope they’ll remember.

It finally rained yesterday, after a long dry spell.  The garden heaved a sigh of relief.

E baked a wonderful Italian-herbed bread, and actually made amazing fresh cheese.

We held our pre-school-year charcuterie planning meeting.  Lots of eventfulness coming up.

We’re trying a thing where I plan and schedule simple meals for the week for each of us to prepare, with ingredients we mostly have.  One less thing for Avdi to worry about.

The unofficial last minute “Bad Signal” didn’t produce a response, but we did our own thing.

E cleaned the pool and mowed the lawn, while I did my house and garden routine.  It was really hot out.  Avdi (and beer) and then E jumped in the pool and frolicked, while I cheered them on poolside, also with beer.  So the B in B&B was fulfilled.  Later, K had friends over, and A went out.  A chill summer day.

The beautiful fruit pie/cake thing is of course by E.

Erev dinner went well, with five of us together.  I incorporated a zucchini, an eggplant, tomatoes, a cucumber, and basil, all from the garden, into the Greek-inspired menu.

I seem to be engaging with the kids more lately, or they with me.  I feel more a part of the family and its progression.  I’m realizing the importance to Avdi and the kids of my just being there consistently and helping with continuity.

Avdi obliged my need to be useful by assigning me a big job: cleaning his office from top to bottom.  Mission accomplished.  I also vacuumed the pool and did other pool maintenance.  And sorted/consolidated Y’s meds.  So I think I “earned my keep”.

Here’s a belated photo of E’s amazing homemade tiramisu.  Be duly impressed.

Another amazing event was the impressive unfurling of another bird-of-paradise leaf, like a sail.  The elephant ears do the exact same thing, only somewhat smaller.  It never ceases to fascinate me.  I have to duck under leaves to move around, like in a jungle.

The okra has started presenting its gorgeous, delicate flowers (and okra).