I think I need to be honest about Pesach this year.  I have a feeling that if I don’t say something, it could easily just slide by us and not even come up until too late.  And maybe I’d be responsible for that, because I kind of let it happen, but not because of laziness or apathy.

Normally I’d have been preparing for weeks, cleaning, switching out foods, and planning meals, with Avdi’s help, at least to the extent we observe it.  Instead, I’ve hesitated to even bring it up, one more demand on an already strained and overworked situation.  Avdi has too much to deal with right now to even think about it, talk about it, or be present for it, and the kids, similarly, are spread thin in every direction as it is, even for our minimal weekly Shabbat observance.

Maybe it’s not for me to decide how others may feel about it, but I sense the decision has already unintentionally made by reality.  And anyway, for whatever reasons, I’ve let it go too long to race to catch up by April 1st.  My conditioning makes me feel guilty and delinquent about this, and if I said nothing to address it until it came and went, I might indeed be responsible for letting people down, even if they’re too distracted to notice or to look forward to it.

I know this is unheard of for me, the first time in years Pesach may not happen, whether in spirit or practice, because I let it slide.  Partly, there hasn’t been an opportunity to even bring up the subject and all it entails, and also, for what it’s worth, I confess I’ve been feeling exhausted and not as up to it as before.  It is a lot, even if you have energy or don’t strictly observe the law or customs.  I’m just being honest and realistic here.  No one who matters is around to judge me or us, but I think I owe my son an apology, not excuses.

Of all years, this one ought to be the one we gather in community and solidarity against the evil forces afflicting our country and world, and remember that this too won’t last forever.  The current state of things has all of us tied up in knots trying to survive and protect the health and safety of our families and each other.  It’s hard to even find time to relax and celebrate.  It’s more like a precarious vigil all the time.  Not to mention affording it all and staying viable, avoiding the tipping point where it isn’t anymore.

So maybe this year is the exception, where the spirit of the holiday outweighs the extra stress it can cause to observe it.  Much about these times (“these latter days”) is exceptional and deviant.  I hope I can be forgiven.