In Absentia

I spent the night, though Avdi was here with K., just because.  I’m not sure how much help or support I’m providing sometimes.  I’m still learning to get better at reading actual situations and not reading in my own assumptions,  interpretations, or “solutions”.  Most of the time I’m guessing at the lie of the land; I’m better at actual literal land.

Segue to early morning gardening.  I watered; then transplanted a big stand of daffodils from in front of the veg garden to elsewhere, so I could clean up and use that space later for tomatoes, etc.  One of the big bunnies was just sitting in front of me, mowing the lawn.  Free labor!  As I dug things up, the robins would swoop right in after me for food.  My crew.

I’m sure it will feel weird and strange for a while after Mom’s death, even though she’s been absent for a long time.  Though it’s harder when the loved one is still very much a part of your life, then suddenly gone, there’s still an existential void in this case.  All the more inclination to be around live family, while I can.  Only more unobtrusively if possible, while Avdi is distracted by work stress.

I even baked some cookies (chocolate oatmeal) while Avdi went shopping, that’s how domesticated I’m being!




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