I’m having another one of those off-days, when I can’t think of a topic.  I know, me, the rant-queen, with nothing to say!  It’s freezing inside, and pouring outside, and I’m still counting down to actual spring when I can go out and plant all my seeds and seedlings.  I hate being patient!!  Do they even have spring here in Ohio?

When I was working in the horticulture industry, I used to bemoan the irony of working so hard outside to serve other people’s gardening needs, that I was too overworked and tired to watch spring slowly emerge, or work on my own garden at the end of a long day.  I longed for a time I thought would never come, when I could work less and enjoy nature more.  Well here I am!  Bored!!

I’m not really complaining.  It’s a luxury to have a roof that I can actually stay home under, wake up whenever, not have other people’s rodeos and train wrecks to manage, and get to experience some downtime before I’m too senile and decrepit to enjoy it.  Not many people get to have that.

It’s challenging, though, to allow myself to be okay with that much unstructured, unproductive time.  It feels somehow like it’s undeserved laziness or cheating, while others work hard to survive, raise kids, and make some kind of difference while they can.  I’m sure that other shoe’s gonna drop, and I’ll pay the price of getting away with murder!  Probably just my neurotic upbringing, what do you think?

Ironically, the circumstances that cut me off from my livelihood and former life, eventually led me onto a whole new path and chance to start over.  Not that I recommend the means it took to get here, but I never would have experienced some of the unexpected detours and revelations it brought about.  I probably would have stayed in my rut until I was exhausted, run out of options, and fizzled out.

Thus, I’m poor but privileged at the same time.  It’s a paradox!  I live from day to day with my friend, weathering catastrophes and setbacks, but spring has to come, right?  Or if not spring, then summer, for @#$! sake!  It’s hard to predict, these days.  But rest assured, whole entire days, of me not droning on while stuck inside, are certainly in your future.  As certain as–the weather.