It’s (Un)official

  1. The first crocus of the season.
  2. The first indoor seed-sowing .
  3. Erev my birthday.

Yesterday at A’s, I planted the first three flats in the prop. station: leeks, scallions, cilantro, two varieties of broccoli, kale mix, pak choi, collards, and tatsoi (bok choy).

First crocus sighting is always happy.

My birthday, maybe not so much, but at this stage it’s an accomplishment just to keep living.

In less good news, S once again got suspended (from half days!).  Apparently he got aggressive and had to be restrained.  Ironically, at home he’s been improving on self-regulation, voluntarily doing routine self-care he normally goes to pieces over, and playing outside for hours.  He’s less disruptive during work hours and somewhat more respectful of personal boundaries.

 

Learning the Art of Family

At this point it’s repetitious to say I returned to spend the night at Avdi’s again, because it’s where I spend most of my time.  This time, Avdi and Jess got to go out for a much-needed respite.  The kids and I seem to have found an agreeable, mostly calm accord.  If someone needs to go have a meltdown or be to themself, I take it more in stride, or just wait it out without interfering.  They seem fine with me being a fixture there.

Yesterday (Sunday) was household tasks and organization day.  Avdi and the kids worked on assembling more furniture for organizing their room, so they have more space to work with under their lofts.  Down the basement, I mixed seed starter and filled peat pots in flats.  Avdi assembled some shelving down there for more storage, and I organized the prop area, while he prepared to set up and expand the space for grow lights and heat mats.  Pretty soon it will be ready to begin sowing.

Later we had Sunday evening charcuterie and a family meeting around the table to pick out favorite meals for weeknights, and finally sort out everyone’s belongings that had been piling up.  There was some resistance as usual, but eventually the goals were accomplished, with some amusement.

The days have been warming up a little, and S has been spending lots of time in the afternoons playing outside, with me or the neighbor kids, or alone.  He’s starting to take more initiative to manage basic tasks without meltdowns or resistance.  He even offers to help me sometimes.  It’s encouraging to see him learn to be more functional and appropriate, with the help of tweaking the meds.

Y has been very moody and adversarial (probably exacerbated by hormonal changes), interspersed with manic playfulness.  I try to just be pleasant and sensitive, or just stay out of their way.

I can almost sense the end of winter just over the horizon.  Then I’ll be busier (or deader) than ever!

 

 

Spring Tease-and-Freeze

I practically live at The Avdi’s now, hence the lack of updating.  There’s been a whirl of playing outdoors with S, S playing with “the little buds” next door, cooking and cleaning, organizing the growing area, my vertigo therapy, and occasional visits to the apartment.

Thanks to Food Outreach, I now have lots of healthy food, but little time to fix it; in fact, I have so much, I’m donating to the family cause.  Which is fine, since I owe them big time.  I mean, look at that charcuterie spread!

Spring is teasing and taunting, then retracting.  But momentum is building.  I used to hate my birthday being in the middle of February, but now I appreciate it as the seed starting and flower bud emerging month.  Just on the verge of hope.

 

February Spring Dreams

I spent most of the last few days and nights at Avdi’s.  Shabbat went nicely.  I made an Asian-style salmon, ramen, and spinach frozen from the garden.  The kids got to go to a musical at the HS with Jess.  The next day Avdi and E got to go hiking at Castlewood State Park along the Meramec River.

Some of the visit is lost in the fogbrain of being under the weather, but at least I didn’t break any more body parts.  I went home briefly and compiled a garden schedule for the coming season; I also ordered seed-starting supplies.  Then I returned for another night.  E had baked some of their trademark confectionary.  They even figured out how to make candied pomelo.  Avdi and Jess got to go out together to friends’.

Today E and I reorganized and sorted the laundry room storage areas in preparation for setting up propagation.  We got a lot done.  Then I drove home (Jess’s car) and ordered the rest of the seeds for this year.  Flower bulbs are starting to pop up in the garden already.

My nights have been either sleepless or nightmare-filled for some reason, so I hope to catch up on sleep while at my apartment, then get more done at Avdi’s during the week.

 

 

Metaphysical Alchemy

They sent me back to the eldritch chair; here it is in all its lurid weirdness.  Actually, it’s pretty comfortable, except when the crazy disco lights convince you the chair is spinning, when it’s really your brain.  Sometimes you’re in agitation or spin cycle.  It all happens in a pitch black closed compartment with a disembodied voice talking you through it; not for the claustrophobic.  I even get to do homework twice a day online, in case I miss all the dizziness designed to fix my vertigo!  Some kind of metaphysical alchemy going on there…

Thankfully that was the only outing I had to go on this week, since this cold has really put me under the weather.  The good news is, with all the free food I was able to score through the generosity of others, I’m eating a more healthy and balanced diet.  It’s a much-appreciated luxury.

Tomorrow I’ll probably be back to the family Shabbat preps and other diversions.

Cancer, with Benefits

I forgot a couple of photos from Shabbat, so I’m including them here.

Today I received my first monthly free food delivery from Food Outreach.  It’s for cancer and other patients who will benefit from a healthy, balanced diet but can’t afford or access it.  I was overwhelmed by the volume of produce, frozen fish and meats, frozen chef-made entrees and sides, and non-perishable pantry staples.  It looked like enough to feed a village.  I guess having cancer is not all bad!  Between that and the Instacart membership and gift card from Robert and Bob, I won’t starve for at least a year!

As I suspected, I didn’t get away with not catching the sore throat and cold from the kids.  Between my compromised immunity and my vertigo, which can be brought on or made worse by infections, it can be more than just an annoyance.  At least I had a healthy, balanced meal today!  Tomorrow I have the first of seven therapy sessions for my vertigo, probably featuring The Chair, electrodes, and other capital punishments, for which I need to be not sick.  Can’t wait.

 

Reasons to Not Die

It seems I tell time now by specialist procedures.  Since my last ignominious incident of the fridge fall, I revisited perio for  dental suture-removal.  Now I just heal for a few months for the next steps.  The foggy view from their window was not my brain (or was it?).

Then I spent some more entertaining time with the mob, er, Family.  My gkids are very sharp-witted and crafty, when not having a meltdown.  Y is really coming out of their shell.  I enjoy getting to know them better and watch them lowering their defensive walls.

Shabbat happened as usual.  My challah continues to outdo itself in perfection.  We seem to spend more time just schmoozing around the table each week.  S is learning the hard way that some of his inadvertent inappropriate behaviors can cause painful injuries for others.  He is also learning to do basic tasks like going potty without going berserk.

It’s actually almost February, which besides featuring my birthday, means it’s time to start the spring seedling process down in A’s prop cave.  This will be my second spring in STL.  I intend to be there for it.

Fridge Parkour

Eventually I was coaxed out of my hiberstate to go do erev preps and spend the night.  All went as usual until…

The highlight of this visit: a very stupid refrigerator climbing maneuver that resulted in falling flat on my back and possibly breaking my arm.  So on top of all the other errands and rides Avdi had to provide, he kindly insisted on taking me to a clinic.  I’m now sporting a wrist brace, and possibly not a fracture, sprain, or dislocation, time will tell. I learned a hard, painful lesson–don’t act like a demented person!

In better news, I had a good time with the kids, including S, when I wasn’t parkouring off the fridge..  Everyone seemed a little calmer and more secure.  E got to go to CRC Shabbat with Avdi.  Jess came over to work, co-watch kids, and help organize the squirrels’ room, while A and E built a shelving unit for it.  A and the kids and I watched a movie together, a rare instance.  Avdi, needless to say, continued to augment his chronic sleep deficit.

In other better news, my brother kindly and generously gave me an early birthday present of an Instacart membership and gift card, so I could afford to have groceries delivered, which I did today.  Yay vegetables!!  Outside it’s cold with icy rain, but I’m inside with groceries!  A novel idea!

 

 

Hibernacula (look it up)

I haven’t been out of my apartment for days, mostly due to hibernating through this petrifyingly bitter cold spell, nursing my pride balloon of a face (it’s down to mostly yellow now), but always on call should Avdi find a moment between crises to pry me out.  I’m ashamed to say I’m relieved he didn’t, only because I’m irrationally paranoid of cold.  Also, my face was seriously scary, like a psycho-clown.  I know, no excuse.

But I haven’t been completely dormant; in fact, I’ve been using this opportunity to get myself and “house” more in order.  With food staples (and funds for it) dwindling, I’m trying to get my diet more balanced with what I have to work with.  With my income even lower in the new year due to medical premiums and expenses, utility assistance ending (again, thanks to MO which thinks I have money?!), and having to dip into my meager savings for medical bills, I will literally have nothing left for groceries, unless a private food assistance program comes through.  I’m already keeping my heat down to chilly, to be able to afford it.  Not complaining, just the facts.

Also, I finally dragged out the dreaded boxes of old files to sort through and reduce (again).  I’m making good progress, a little at a time.  I’m also doing housecleaning and organizing .  My goal is to leave as little behind to dispose of as possible, and make sure it’s in order and self-explanatory.  If you’ve followed my Blahg for a while, you’ll know which daunting experience (hint: Vortex Of Evil) inspired this dust devil of activity.  Never again!

My circumstances make it difficult to get involved in any proactive social or political action, but it’s hard to live in this state for long without being pushed to say something against all the fascist inhumane bills being passed.  The seven (!) [update–correction–nine!] anti-trans bills being considered just today are particularly heinous and cruel.  So I sent my humble opinions online to the state gov, to add to all the testimonies being heard.  Hopefully they will be heard.

One of my challenges when alone is talking to (in whatever form) one person per day.  Some weeks my only conversations, other than with the family if I’m there, is with volunteer drivers and medical personnel.  I don’t count unpleasant phone exchanges with bored state gov drones.  I haven’t solved this dilemma yet, but I will.  In the meantime, conversations with myself are always fine and worthwhile.

Anyway, until my son can dig out from under the heavy landfill of life long enough to coax me out of hiding, here I’ll be, trying to seize the time that’s left.  Leukemia be damned.

Arnold Lobel, F&T All Year

 

 

 

Perio World

Where’ve I been for a week, you may or may not ask?  For starters, I finally made it to the Perio planet and back.  As I write this, the whole right side of my face looks like Fight Club, but that stays in FC. I even have a “black” eye, for some reason.  I’ve been jackhammered, power drilled, ratcheted, and sewn back up.  I now am the proud owner of three screws drilled into my bone, to be later crowned with a permanent bridge.  It really is like road construction, on a micro-level.  To look at my swollen, bruised façade, you’d never guess I’m ecstatic, but I am.  I’ll die with teeth, if it kills me!  (Financially or otherwise.)

I also spent two days at Avdi’s, helping with S, and doing erev Shabbat.  S has been attending half days at school for now.  Avdi as usual is overwhelmed and barely hanging on, with no time to rest.  The kids and I continue to get closer, as they trust me more.  These are challenging times, but I’m grateful I get to live through them.  I get to witness and be part of each kid becoming more aware of the social, racial, and humanitarian realities in our past and present country and world.  Sad as it is, it’s quite a thing to see the moments their eyes and minds open on another level of realization and empathy.

In climate news, we’re heading into a severe winter deep freeze, with temps below zero or in single digits plus wind chills.  Fortunately I can go semi-dormant indoors for a rare doctor-less week.  The bad news is, my heat assistance chose the coldest time of the year to disqualify me–once again the great stupid state of MO at work–so now I have to keep my heat and electric use even lower.  But whatever.

Not much else to say…back to hibernation and nursing my injuries.