Eerie and uncanny only begins to describe even a partial totality.  My phone camera kept trying to compensate for the unnatural darkness, and editing didn’t help much.  I was trying for an angle through my dirty porch window that didn’t quite include the sun, for obvious reasons.  It looked like when an evening storm is threatening but the sun is illuminating the trees against the dark sky.  The service station lights came on automatically.  Then the sunny day resumed.  I can only imagine what the total eclipse was like.

Yesterday was a beautiful spring day for walking to A’s and gardening.  I transplanted the hardened-off cilantro to the herb garden and lettuces/greens to the veg garden, then cultivated between all the rows, and watered everything in.  Of course right after that it poured for like 45 minutes, just to make sure everything was watered enough.

Everyone was busy getting stuff done, playing, running errands, or getting ready for tomorrow’s eclipse field trip.  It was charcuterie Sunday, wherein we all gather round to eat and meet about household planning, with varying degrees of engagement and amusement.  Eventually it all gets sorted, even the unclaimed vagrant socks.

Today I’m “home” doing homey stuff while the others travel south to one of the totality site events in MO, at a park where astronomers and science types will be setting up.  I’m glad the kids will get to experience this rare occurrence firsthand.

Most of my days now consist of walking to and from Avdi’s to perform garden and household maintenance routines.  I think I have finally attained “fixture” status.  The kids and I get along, and S keeps saying “I love it when you come over.”  Avdi even seems disappointed if I don’t just hang out while he’s too busy working to even say hi.  So I’ve gotten more comfortable just being there.  And there’s never any lack of things to help with.

Since I spend more time there than at my apartment, I actually have too much food to eat myself, even after asking Food Outreach to cut back on my monthly allotment, so I’m able to contribute food to the Avdi’s (and myself, since I eat there a lot).  This way I feel like I’m giving back something for all the many ways they give to me.  Hopefully the garden will take off and provide lots of supplements.

You know I have to throw in some obligatory eclipse metaphor, it being the day before a very historical total eclipse of the sun.  I undoubtably won’t live until the next one.  Avdi and the kids will be traveling to view it (with the appropriate gear).  I’ve seen more eclipses in my life than they, so I chose to sit it out.

Here comes the metaphor: aging makes me very aware of being eclipsed [SWIDT] by the next generations, which is as it should be, but still scary.  So I’m trying to live my limited days left prioritizing time with them, which I neglected for so long, so I can be a part of their transitions/rotations/revolutions…ok, end of metaphor.

The weather here is so confused–one day it’s summer, the next it’s winter.  I guess if you average it out, it’s spring?

Anyway, it was so cold I had to skip a day of walking to Avdi’s, then made up for it yesterday.  All the little green babies are coming up downstairs, though the outdoor ones are taking their time–they’re also confused.  I did the usual routine, then just hung out.  Avdi has been hard at work and frustrated a lot.  S seems to really like his new school and bus.

Today I’ll walk over again (bundled up in several layers) and do erev preps.

After that storm (minus tornadoes), Avdi’s yard became a pond again.  It doesn’t drain into the drainage culvert as you might think, just sits there.  Avdi had to set up a sump pump with a hose emptying into said culvert.  The above-ground pool is sitting in a big pond!  Fortunately the back patio and garden are raised just above flood level, probably not by accident, being situated in a flood plain.  All the leaf piles are de-raked.  I keep expecting to see critters swimming around.

I had walked over after municipal voting, to take care of the usual jobs (other than watering the garden, which was done for me!).  Avdi was out, so I just came and went.  On the way home, he drove by and stopped to say hi.  I kind of liked the feeling of just being in the neighborhood and running into each other, instead of being separated by hundreds of miles.  We even vote at the same school (S’s ex-school)!

Supposedly we’re getting another one of those severe t-storms tonight with high winds, large hail, and possible you-know-whats.  So I wasted half a day bunkering down to wait, like a fool, then said screw it and walked to Avdi’s.  I watered all the indoor and outdoor green babies (just in case) and then walked back home.  It was still just warm and breezy.  Avdi was working away, with all the kids at school, including S at his new school all day.  He managed to say hi and bye!  Now I’m back home re-bunkering, I guess.  Hopefully the so-called tornadoes will fizzle out like last time.  How do people live like this?!

It was another perfect breezy spring day reaching 80º, and I walked over to A’s to water the garden and do other yard work.

Then I got initiated into the amusing mysteries of the Easter egg hunt, wherein the grownups hide eggs in plain sight and the kids get stressed out or sugared out, depending on their persistence finding them.  (We’re a very eclectic family.)  Basically it’s spring Halloween with asbestos bunnies and chickens.  The deviled eggs were good, though.  And the beer.  Not an activity to do sober.

Today Y confided in me about how they get so mad but feel they have to contain it, not able to let it out in a safe way (i.e. not killing someone).   Thus they shut down, not able to process or deal with it.  That was a lot of confiding, for Y.

I walked back home while it was still daylight and nice out, before a rumored prediction of severe t-storms, hail, and possible [the other T-word].  😵‍💫

BTW, I reached a low weight of 121.6 today!  Another milestone.  I will not be a fat, toothless corpse (if it kills me)!

Yesterday I walked to Avdi’s and transplanted the cold frame seedlings to the garden.  There were leeks, scallions, pak choi, tatsoi, collards, mixed kale, and two varieties of broccoli.  E transplanted their wildflowers, and K consulted with me about an area he could use to start his own flower garden.  My “evil” plan of passing on gardening knowledge and skills is working!

Then I brought up another flat to harden off, and replaced it downstairs with a flat of watermelons, melon, pumpkins, and acorn squash.  After a while, I slacked off and just enjoyed the gorgeous day with a beer and talked to K.  Avdi even got to take a nap in the hammock.

In the evening, Avdi took me to another Black Rep Theatre play in U. City, “Wedding Band”, which was excellent.  First we had time to kill, so we strolled down historic Delmar, where the trolley loop was.  It was packed with people of all colors and languages checking out the many restaurants, eateries, classy bars, and shops along the strip.  Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern, Mexican, and many other cuisines were represented.  The diverse aromas were like being transplanted to another continent.

Avdi introduced me to the lively Fitz’s eatery, of Fitz’s soda fame, where we got huge floats, which I couldn’t possibly finish!  I could almost imagine we had returned to pre-kid days, when he was able to show me around the city a little.  I’m constantly amazed at how vibrant STL is.

The play was about a community of Black people dealing with S. Carolina anti-miscegenation in WWI.  The actors, including two little girls, were outstanding and compelling.  The set was simple and true to life.  The audience was a mix of Black and white.  I felt privileged to be able to get out and see it with Avdi, while Jess watched the kids.

The garden is calling unto me, so more later.

I can’t help much with all the frustrations Avdi is going through, but I can make up for it with mad spring cleaning and organizing skills.  Chief among the projects was sorting S’s room, which is (for now) much more accessible and orderly.  Also, I reorganized Avdi’s books onto additional shelves, recycled stuff, raked leaves, did countless laundry and dishwasher loads, picked up kids, helped prep dinners, did general housecleaning, and took care of the seedlings.  And of course did erev preps.

S had his final day at his current school, where they gave him a sendoff.  He’ll be riding a school bus to his new school.  He’s been doing much better at self-regulating and accomplishing routine tasks without meltdowns.

We’ve been reveling in the beautiful spring weather and flowers.  Even Avdi found a brief moment to sit outside and read.

You may remember the spinning electric chair in the dark chamber of disco lights, or the echoey contraption with the harness and wobbly footing.  Yesterday I got to try them out again at my final reassessment session of vertigo therapy.  Apparently I’ve made progress so they let me graduate!  My brain is supposedly rewired and I’ve been assimilated.  I even got a free t-shirt.  Hopefully it means fewer attacks of vertigo in my future.  At least the dizzy spells are fewer and farther between.

Later I went over to Avdi’s to help out.  There were major jobs for me to do; the biggest one was helping S to shovel out his room!  It’s amazing how much trash that kid can squirrel away in that small space (spilling out into the living room).  He actually cooperated and got it done, for the most part.

The process of transitioning to his new school has been complicated and time-consuming for Avdi.  They don’t make it easy.  There are also at-home therapists and programs to line up and work with.  The other kids also constantly clamor to have needs met.  All this and much more as Avdi is struggling to keep up with work and household maintenance while operating on fumes.  It concerns me to see him so exhausted and frustrated, without a moment to breathe.  My inadequate assistance barely scratches the surface.  No one human should have to struggle so much just to survive.

Still, there are hundreds of seedlings growing in propagation, hardening off in cold frames, and starting to come up in the garden, so that’s something.  It makes me feel like I’m contributing in some way, and it keeps me going.

For some reason I was hurting all over and couldn’t sleep or get comfortable, so instead I’m writing this in the middle of the night.