It was a hyper-efficient assembly line.  They have this surgery down to such a hi-tech science that they crank patients in and out by the herds every few minutes, starting before dawn.  It’s like an eye deli.  Take a number.  Left or right?  You’re in, you’re out, next!  (Though not surly, just businesslike.)

The most time-consuming part is not the waiting, but coming out of the stupor of the not-even-twilight zone; they say they have to keep you awake enough to respond to directions(?).  If they say so!  I wonder what I did in there?!

I remember being wheeled on a bed from pre-op, all tubed and wired up, into the bright room with the equipment and various technicians, waiting for the relaxing sedative to kick in, when supposedly the doc whizzed in and out at some point like the roadrunner (too fast to see), then I was lying in recovery, feeling like a stupid stoned person after tripping.  To my credit (or preparedness), I never said the famous words, “when are we doing the operation?”!  I had been primed for the part.

There wasn’t any pain, just mild discomfort from the millions of different eyedrops before and after.  Mostly I was parched from having fasted, including liquids, since midnight; all I could think about was water!  I know I said some weird things as I wandered   loopily out with my driver’s help.

At the Dr’s office post-op (different location), I was in loopy company with many of the same patients from the surgery, or their spouses.  It was kind of humorous, everyone recounting the same strange experience!  We fruit loops all had the same dorky disposable sunglasses, like some aging blues brothers, wearing the same dopey zombie look, like produce.

So I wobbled from the driver’s car to my bed, via water, meds, and break-fast of sorts, and picked up from where I was so rudely awakened.  I have to wear a colander-looking thing taped over my left eye to protect it when I lie down, being careful to always keep my eye above my heart.  No bending, no lifting, no getting it wet in the shower, basically no nothing, but still with the endless assorted eyedrops.  An enforced vacation.  Woe is me.  But I’ll be back soon– and then do it all over again!

I keep thinking there’s something caught in my eye, but it’s probably just the new fake lens stitches or whatever.  Routine factory byproduct.  Nothing to see here!!