Aspiration Over Expiration

The last two days were seriously like summer here.  I spent much of them at Avdi’s, doing more yard work and whatever other ways I could find to be of use.  Becoming a “fixture” (i.e. just hanging out, not necessarily earning my keep) takes a lot of practice!  I’m learning that just getting out of my apartment (my head) and being around people, and doing things outdoors, diffuses some of the anxiety and stress of being hounded by my recent unfortunate past.  The rest is up to me to ignore all the vilifying, false accusations, and irrationality, and put it behind me.  Sympathy only reinforces the crazy.

Yesterday I had fun with Avdi’s little chipper shredder, transforming all the dead branches I removed from the sukkah into wood chips, which then went into the veg garden, along with leaf mulch and straw.  The cycle of life from death.  That is going to be one happy veg garden.  Later I strung up solar light strings around the garden fence, and around the big tree.  I also did more clearing and pruning.  Then I cut my usual bouquets, helped clean up for Shabbat, and even read some Maya Angelou.  Indian dinner by J&C was excellent, as usual, especially their incredible naan.  Later I got to join them starting the series Rez Dogs over, one of many shows and movies I’m behind on.

Another challenge is learning to compensate for being low-income and carless in a new town.  I can’t keep depending on people for rides, and groceries are just out of walking range, especially with winter approaching.  Delivery is unaffordable.  I have to get creative with living with even less, or using public transit.  So this is oldster reality.  It makes me nervous, but eventually I’ll get the hang of it.  Doing unfamiliar, uncomfortable things is yet another way to expand one’s horizons–and cognitive skills.  Whereas sitting alone in a cave, threatened by insecurity, people, and new experiences, stewing in past trauma, surely exacerbates dementia or neurocognitive disorders.  If I learned nothing else from the last 8 1/2 years, I witnessed that fact.

Thus these are not just scenic photos; they represent me finding my way back to mental health.  I may be too poor to afford a shrink, but thankfully I get a lot of common sense wisdom and pointers from those who also found out the hard way, and chose aspiration over expiration.





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