when we last left off, yours truly was back to the vortex, nervously working out how to break it to The Family that i was done, i did my time in house arrest, and needed out. mentally, physically, and every other way i couldn’t take it anymore, maintaining a dying parent indefinitely until whichever one of us dropped first, with no way for me to afford to plan a future even if i had one. there was no way i would be able to just pick up where i had left off at my job in MD or start all over again at that late stage in life, with meager savings and no income. i had pretty much given up hope of any life beyond the VOE.
my friend in Ohio helped me get up the nerve to finally drop the bomb. after the dust settled, it was a matter of negotiating the timeline of my exit strategy. my brother in CA was a huge help as always in being a mediator and working with us to come up with a compromise. i did everything i could to smooth the transition to my other brother taking over for me at the house. then it was just a matter of shipping all my belongings to Ohio, and easing my way out.
i had a lot of guilt, true to my upbringing, about relinquishing the role that had been thrust upon me, but i knew if i stayed, i would soon be mentally and physically exhausted and unable to do my job adequately. i had nothing to look forward to myself, except either dying there in the place i dreaded most, or scrambling to survive in poverty, trying never to do the same thing to my own child, become a dependent burden. i would rather be shot first, as i have stated before. fortunately, most of the people in my life were very supportive of my choice.
eventually i made my way to OHIO, where my new friend and i were able to pool all our meager resources together to move forward in a way that neither of us would have been able to do alone. but i’ve blabbed enough for one day; the next episode is a whole story in itself, to be continued…
and now, lest you be disappointed, here are today’s fungus offerings, and a great blue heron.