Today I took one of those silly quizzes, this one on which gender you subconsciously identify with. I expected “cat” or “soufflé”, the usual stupid answer, but the results were interesting—I’m supposedly equally divided three ways, between queer, female, and male, in that order! I’m equally comfortable relating with all the above, and think outside the gender box (STS). Or something. Who knew?
It kind of makes a strange sense, though. I’m obviously supportive of the whole spectrum, no longer subscribe exclusively to the whole gender binary stereotypes, and ironically, tend toward wearing the pants in the family–STS.
I wasn’t always like that. I was brought up as a typical old-fashioned female, with the whole sexist inequality mindset, but I turned rebel and nonconformist early on. Much later came a stage I’m not proud to even speak of, involving more sexist religious indoctrination, only of a more repressive sort, but eventually I escaped from that narrow world view, and rejected it completely. But the biggest revelation came much later still.
Through a strange set of circumstances I never could have imagined, I find myself where I am today. If you know me, or have followed my adventures, you know what I mean. (It’s not what you think! It’s much more subtle and nuanced.) I’ll just say, growing up as I did, and looking back at my life, no one could have predicted I’d end up here, with the POV I have now, least of all myself. I was as surprised as anyone. But maybe it makes sense, after all.
I never liked being told how to think or behave or view others. I was raised and trained to be critical and judgmental, just like my so-called role models, but underneath, I rejected the whole “we’re morally superior and our way is the only way” mentality. I was always experimenting and fascinated by other lifestyles, cultures, and world views. I had a strong sense of social justice and the lack thereof. A part of me likes to play devil’s advocate, try to put myself in other situations. I’m not always good at it, because of my privileged background, but it’s what I strive for. I tend to feel for and advocate for minorities and underdogs. So I guess it wasn’t so strange to take this progression to its logical conclusion.
Although I’m an ally and advocate of this particular community, I’m not technically a member. We’re talking gender identity here, not sexual orientation. It’s the way you think of yourself from an early age, based on genetic, physiological, and neurological events outside of your control. It’s separate and apart from your sexual orientation later in life. It’s like apples and rutabagas. And none of the above ever applied to me, a cisgender person with hetero orientation. And yet, here I am. Go figure. ’nuff said.
Short story long, I guess by some weird robotic algorithm I turn up “gender queer”. It’s just a silly quiz on FB, after all. Still, it made me think. Maybe it explains some things. Maybe not. You decide. 😉