caregiver burnout syndrome. it’s probably an official disorder by now. i know it’s already an industry component. at any rate, it’s very real, and really setting in.

i’m honestly exhausted on every level. i would never wish this upon anyone. the whole system, or lack thereof, sucks unmentionable things. if someone out there can find heartwarming, rewarding things to say about managing the daily disintegration of your own parents, the insane bureaucratic labyrinth, competing companies circling like sharks slavering after your hemorrhaging funds, and the constant anxiety and relentless surreality, feel free, and i’m happy for you.

then there’s all the guilt for having had such a bad attitude throughout. there is no quality of life to be maintained. just technically keeping someone alive and miserable, while you kill your own remaining time. gradually losing connections to people and pursuits in the real world. being made to feel more inadequate and incompetent than ever.

i don’t blame anyone who’s busy living for not wanting to be confronted by this nightmare. so i’m just out here drifting around in the vacuum of space, spewing to any aliens who have nothing else to do. and if you ETs and AIs have a better system you’d like to impose upon us, i’m all ears. because the travesty we’ve patched together, in place of an effective, coherent process with endgame dignity, could use a serious overhaul. (hey, you could ‘Occupy’ earth! sorry, not very original.)

just feeling a little overwhelmed and sidelined from life right now. and i’m not even the patient. (also obviously reading too much bleak scifi as an ‘escape’.) disregard as usual.

over/out/peace pending.