I did come up with a system for inventorying all categories of food and nonfood staples at the Avdi’s, then checking off what we need and adding those items to Avdi’s list.  It isn’t perfected to his requirements yet, but getting there.  Converting analog thinking to digital everything is still a challenge sometimes.  Plus his household requires a vast quantity of items!

In fact, lately I know I’ve been inadequate or failing to perform at the level or role that he needs me to, or take on all the tasks he requires of me for the household to function.  I want to do my part, but my anxieties and deficiencies get in the way.  To others, it must look like I’m just shirking routine (to them) responsibilities, with all the needs there are.

I guess I should be honored that at almost age 74, half blind, {with cancer!}, they still have the confidence to rely on me to this extent.  I just don’t feel qualified or adequate sometimes.  But in the end, the urgency will compel me to push myself past the anxiety and get the job done.  Which is progress.

Sometimes, though, it’s hard to work past the feeling that no matter how much I do to help out, I’m just an annoyance or invisible.  I get it; everyone’s busy being overwhelmed by life, the universe, and everything.  There are demons to do battle with!   I’ve had my share; I empathize.  It’s hard to survive, let alone live.  So I try to stay out from underfoot, or keep my foot out of my mouth.  I’m still working on my people skills, after all this time.  Maybe I’ll get it right one of these days.

Anyway, enough whining.  Have some doggy!  Notice how inconspicuous he looks on that bed, like a doggy throw pillow.