A while back I resolved to try to write in this journal as often as possible, not because I necessarily had anything to say, but to keep up my writing skills, such as they are, and to keep a personal log of this insignificant life for mostly myself.  If anyone else tagged along, all the better!

I try to keep a balance of being my real self, however boring and unsophisticated, and keeping in mind any others, present and future, who might gain some good from reading along.  Once in a while, the vile political forces destroying our world compel me to rant and rave a little, mostly from helplessness to do anything effective to help stop it.  Sometimes my own petty worries creep in to my narrative and I release pressure.  Mostly I just drone on and on about my favorite therapy and metaphor, gardening, with amateur illustrations!  Or what’s going on with the family I moved here to be with and hopefully contribute to.

Underneath it all, I’m working out my remorse and regrets over my confused, misspent past by trying my hardest to make up for it now, while I still have time.  I finally believe my son has forgiven my absence and failures as a mother, but I may never forgive myself.  I no longer try to blame everyone else and circumstances for my poor choices and decisions.  I just try to be my best self and mother/grandmother/friend now, however late.  Sometimes I’m still clueless how exactly to do that, but anyway, I’m fortunate to be here now.

And that’s why I keep this journal, as a record of one insignificant life amidst a backdrop of world insanity, and good people attempting to live in it and make it better.  You don’t get to choose your world, but you do get to decide every day to keep on living, growing, and refusing to be hopeless or apathetic.  That’s me in a nutshell.  Peripheral and ancillary, but determined!  (How you like them big words?!)

Thank you for your indulgence!  I now return you to the usual ramblings.