Why indeed. I asked myself that question, and here’s what I answered.
The challenge for me is not only in improving my technique, but in finding the balance between just whining to myself out loud, and finding the elusive silver lining in my predicaments, which might even encourage some hypothetical person reading it. It’s like self-help on the cheap and in the dark.
After all, it’s not just me in my own private black hellhole. Who knows, there may be some poor soul out there struggling with similar matters, who might happen upon my fulminations and not feel so all alone.
If nothing else, I’m forced to face all my negativity and unresolved issues, and search my own soul. Never a bad thing, if it leads to an improvement in attitude and behavior.
I seem to have an inconvenient knack of finding myself in challenging situations that test and try me to the core, that bring out the worst in me. That’s an indication that I still have much to be resolved or reconciled. I can either run from these confrontations, or work through them. It’s a harrowing lifetime process, which writing can facilitate and help articulate.
Some days my mind is a blank. Other times it’s so overloaded with crap, it leaves me speechless. I hate tedious, pointless tirades, so I’m working on sparing you, my loyal 2.5 readers. But sometimes a little of it slips out, despite my best efforts. Sorry about that. Unlike some, I don’t really have a life right now. There’s a lot of empty vacuum, with too much time to think and second guess. Writing helps fill the time and space.
Plus it keeps me out of trouble. As if. Still, better a theoretical rampage than an actual one. A verbal purge is much more sanitary.