New Morning

My family is now 670 miles away in Florida, starting their new life.  Still, our own new life, minus the family we moved here to be near, must go on.  At least we got to spend some good times with them, and hopefully played an instrumental part in reinforcing their sense of security and being loved.

Yesterday, while they were heading out of TN, we had a long conversation with our neighbor S, herself in the midst of having to move out due to her own family issues, just when we were getting to know her.  But it helps to know we’re not alone with our common human concerns.

This was the same day E got some bad news involving an immediate family member, the same hateful family that cut her off from her own grandkids.  Not our best day ever.

But as usual, life goes on.  For some, it’s a new start, damn the consequences; for others, it’s picking up the pieces, absorbing the cost, and carrying on in a changed landscape.  I can’t really talk; I’ve been on both sides of that equation during my misguided life, and caused others close to me to suffer the consequences, which also diminished myself.  Karma’s a bitch.  All you can do is try not to generate more negativity.

Some days it’s hard for me to see much up ahead to look forward to, but I have to remind myself, I still have a living son and grandkids who haven’t written me off, and a much more fortunate living situation than many in this world.  I have a wonderful brother and brother-in-law in CA.  I’m not alone, and I’m not dead yet.  Not everyone can say that.

Speaking of landscapes, at least I’m privileged to wake up to scenes like these.  It doesn’t take away the sadness and regrets, but it keeps me occupied with something positive and outside myself.  I have to force myself to set aside the anxiety and nightmares, take each new morning at a time, and be content with the place I’m in now.

 

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