Not Dead=Still Alive

After some serious stormage yesterday, the sunset was impressive, though my camera is not.

Speaking of sunsets, I’m getting to that stage of life where you conjecture about hypothetical trajectories of paths not chosen.  All the pointless “what ifs”.  I know, oy.

If I had accepted my parents’ preferred goals for me, whatever they were (they weren’t always clear, just assumed and expected), would I be better off?  Who can tell?  There are so many moving parts and unexpected forks in life, no matter how well you plan and drive yourself.  Taking the “safer” conventional route isn’t a guarantee of anything these days, any more than is the road less taken.

My own meandering path, full of misguided choices and predictable consequences, eventually led me to here.  I can’t take any of it back, I can just accept responsibility and make the most of the time I have left.  I’m not always sure how to do that within the confines of these consequences, but I’m learning to own reality and accept it.  And to let go of what’s not within my control to hang onto.

Having hopes and dreams and purpose seems to be a luxury of the young and inexperienced.  Then you wake up one day to cold waves dashed in your face, and it’s all you can do just to stay afloat.  If you’re fortunate or resourceful enough to make it back to dry land, you learn it’s something just to find yourself still alive.  Don’t fight the hands that may be there to rescue you from drowning.

Being Not Dead is underrated.  Having a roof, a friend, some health, one or two family members who still accept you, even a little income—these are bonuses not to be taken for granted.  Many people don’t even have that.

Sometimes you just have to start from where you’re at, assess the damage, and reorient yourself with true north.  If your compass doesn’t work, fix it or get a new one.  That’s part of being Still Alive–not giving up.  Living to see what another day can bring.

 

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